FML Of The Day

"Today, I had a job interview. All was going well until the interviewer asked me, "So why should we hire you?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Because, I'm awesome!" Don't think I'll be getting that one." FML

That's not so bad, there is still a possibility.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand." FML

That must suck but I know some guys she could call that can help her out.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster." FML

Lol, at least he is trying to have the talk.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of." FML

What a fucking filthy bitch!!!!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

Fool

FML Of The Day

"Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom." FML

Do people even make an effort anymore? Every store you walk into sells condoms. If you are embarrassed go to a store with self-checkout or buy it online, wtf.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I drove out to a party. I arrived just in time to see some guy blowing his load on my sister in the driveway." FML

Australia... wow! He is going to be scarred for life. Why would they not do it in the car or the bushes? Some people have no class.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I asked my cute co-worker out to dinner. He immediately responded, "I'm sorry; you're just really not my type." Offended, I asked why not, only for him to reply with, "Well, you're a girl." FML

Probably going to be her new best friend

FML OF The Day

"Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way." FML

Holy crap, there is a therapist out there that is going to make a lot of money.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had yet another class with my psychotic, conservative uber-religious teacher. The "well-known statistic" of today? Over 90% of people who have ever watched porn end up having a divorce due to psychological damage from said porn." FML

I'm going to be in the 10% category on that one.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her." FML

Oh hell fucking no! I'd poor water on the mother and wake her up.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

Haha, you just can't win with women. They are like a different species.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree." FML

Wow!!! I don't think she knows what it means to be a mother.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume." FML

This has to be fake, right?

FML Of The Day

"Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting." FML

Talk about a bad mother! Why am I not surprised its from Florida.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the joker for the same convention." FML

He should have went with it and turned it into a real comic book. BOOM, POW, ZING

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted." FML

Haha! You don't when you're sleeping but I like her idea.

FML Of The Day

"Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong." FML

I'm sure guys were still competing to hit that.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself." FML

Forget commando, time for diapers.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother." FML

That's rough. I wonder if they are going to hell for saying that?