FML Of The Day

"Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose some weight." FML

I feel that anonymous writer is doing the building a public service.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise!" FML

That's a good wife, he had the good life but now he's probably going to get a foot long knife.

FML Of The Day

"Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me on so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating." FML

Proof women are weird.

Line of The Day

"Going to that party was not worth all this itching from mosquito bites."

It's better than itching from an STD.

Song Of The Week

This week we have the man from Cleveland himself Kid Cudi. We can all agree that playing Cudi is never a bad idea, so here he is with his song "Mr. Rager."

FML Of The Day

"Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash." FML

Ouch, I'd be devastated!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderley man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed." FML

You don't have to give mouth to mouth... should have just started with compressions.