FML Of The Day

"Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean." FML

Wow, new levels of nasty! Not in a good way.

Line Of The Day

"Gangman style sounds like Open Condom style lol... Sorry I ruined the song for u lol..."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told  me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him." FML

He could have put both bitches shotgun... he fucked up.

FML Of The Day

"Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom." FML

Someone needs to move.

Line Of The Day

"I'm always open to sex tapes."

FML Of The Day

"Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roomate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase." FML

Oh joy!!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed." FML

Bad parents! They shouldn't be so loud or make sure the kids are out of the house.