FML Of The Day

"Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole." FML

That's some next level nastiness and not in a good way.

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Alison Brie

There is just something about Alison Brie that just can't be put into words. I want her on my screen at all times and she could be babbling and make no sense but it does not matter. Just look at the picture below if you need further proof.

Hawt Celebs



 

And she is so nice we just had to do it twice.

Line Of The Day

"When it comes to women's boobs it like the reverse since we were in grade school. Bakc then all we wanted were A's but now every guy hopes for C's or D's."

Just let the truth of those words wash over you.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough." FML

You just can't shave that area with a trimmer

Song Of The Week- "Mad World" Gary Jules

This week brown man requested a song. Literally, he emailed the song to blknbr@gmail for it to be played. Why did he do that I have no idea but this is his blog as well so he could pretty much do want he wants. So if you want to request songs yourself just follow his lead. Here is the cover of "Mad World" by Gary Jules.

Line of The Day

"Rihanna's pour it up song makes me wanna go to Sapphire."

For those who don't know Sapphire is a strip club out in Vegas.

Is It Offensive?

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We have a new segment for the blog called "Is It Offensive?" We will try to bring some outrageous situatins which happen to us or people in general and want you to decide if it is offensive or not. Should be easy enough. If you have any submissions send it to us at blknbr@gmail.com.

I was heading to a restaurant with friends of mine last week and I checkedt the menu before we got there and said something like "this place looks good." One of my friends response to this was "Reminds you of your time in the south as a slave, right."

First of all everyone likes chicken, not just black people but everyone. Those who don't like chicken or vegans, vegetarians and people who don't like awesomeness. Second of all, I was not born during slavery so how would I know what they ate.

You hear the line so should I take offense to this or just hang my head in shame at how bad of a joke it was?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch." FML

I feel for her

Sexy Lady Of The Week

I'm in love with Jeane Coakley! There I said it and finally glad it is out there. Everytime I see her on SNY I literally get all tingly on inside. Even though she has to deal with covering the NY Jets I would comfort her in every way I  can becuase let's be serious its the Jets. Just look at her and tell me she is not marriage material, pretty, well-spoken and shows a brave face even when the chips are down (Jets again). Now if she were only able to read this post.

Yep!

Jeane Coakley.com

 

And double yep!

Jeane Coakley.com

FML Of The Day

"Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home." FML

She sounds like an awesome gal.

Line Of The Day

"Happy Valentine's Day. Who is the luckly lady? Who is the lucky girl? Who is the lucky boy? Who is the lucky bucket of chicken?"

This is what a female friend texted me last week on Valentine's Day. Glad to see she has finished her sensitivity training.

Say Hello To The Newest Member Of Black And Brown

Welcome the new member of the Black and Brown blog, Aly or as we like to call her at the moment the whitr filling between black and brown. Yeah it's corny but it was funny at the time. Hopefully she will contribute each week and give her female perspective on things.

The difference between the way men and women talk about sex.

There’s a big difference between the way men and women talk about sex. I don’t really know why men think they are so vulgar with what they talk about. They discuss their first strip club experiences and talk about the way their women look- mainly bragging or exaggerating to one- up their friends. Women talk about sex for a whole other reason- to talk about sexual issues with their men or discuss their opinions in hopes that they are normal.

I work at a strip club where believe it or not, talking about sex with other girls is actually considered a little taboo. Most girls are afraid that if they talk about their sexuality too much, they might be considered sluts among the other girls because they will seem that they have it too often or they may even be sleeping with customers, which is frowned upon in my club.

Despite the possible tabooness of talking about sex in a strip club, here are some of the dancers I have overheard/ been a part of in the locker room:

Dancer 1 who is a mix of European and Puerto Rican: There’s nothing like a big black dick. I just can’t do the white men. I mean I’ve seen a pink dick before, and I couldn’t suck him. It was just too ugly. I like that big juicy cock when it’s dark, almost purple. It feels so good.

Dancer 2 who is little and white: My boyfriend needs to grow some balls and just do me in the ass.

Dancer 3- I’ve actually heard this from multiple dancers: There’s nothing like a little bit of ecstasy, some alcohol and sex. It just feels so nice.

Dancer 4 who is African American: I used to be a dominatrix. There was one time a rabbi came in to look at all the girls. I didn’t think he would pick me. I thought he’d pick a little white girl or something. Anyway, he picks me and wants me to spank him, whip him, choke him and call him a dirty rabbi that needs to be crucified.

If you think that it’s just strippers who talk this way, guess again. I have had conversations with my mother about when she and my father were still together. I don’t want to give too many details away, but apparently, my dad was a little odd.

I’ve had conversations about others’ sex lives with their current significant other or exes. An older, very beautiful French lady I had recently been living with used to have a husband who would force her to swing with him and hurt her during sex.

Here are the conversations I’ve had with men about sex:

Friend 1 who loves talking about sex with anyone else who doesn’t mind: I love doing my girlfriend from behind. She makes this squealing noise. It just makes me super excited.

Friend 2: This new girl I started seeing is super hot. She’s got this great ass. I just love it.

My dad about his fiancé: No honey, sex is for marriage. And then after marriage- sex is sacred and only for the bedroom.

My step mom- Um… well, it happens sometimes at least. My ex- husband was much better.

If you think it’s just because these guys are my friends, here are what my customers say to me. I’ll only choose the more interesting ones.

Customer 1: I go to the nude beaches a lot which is where all the swingers hang out. One time, a guy begged me to do his wife while he watched and she was all for it. It was pretty amazing.

Customer 2: Asked me what kind of sex I like. I answer rough. He doesn’t believe me/ can’t add anything to the conversation so it ends.

Customer 3: Do you like it in the ass? I answer oh yes. He says me too. End of talk about anal.

I talk really nasty to get a VIP dance. Sorry readers, use your imagination. Customer oh yeah? That’s some good images in my head there. 8 out of 10 times it works.

Basically, women are more likely to do the dirty details about their sex lives than men. I don’t really know why men have such a difficult time discussing details perhaps it is because they don’t think about sex in detail. Women do, just as they think about everything else.

We Have A Question For All The Ladies Out There

It hgas been brought to our attention that many women are not too fond of the golddigger moniker bestowed upon them. Women say they don't date a man because he has money, fame or can take her places but that he has confidence and is just an amazing person. Well here are some examples that put this to the test.

Exhibit A- Bradley Cooper

Bradley Cooper is up for an Oscar this weekend and has been in some pretty decent movies in the past couple of years from the "Hangovers", "Limitless" and now "Silver Linings Playbook." He has money now, speaks french and seems like a cool guy to hang with. Women fawn over him and the examples just listed show why. He was in movies prior to those and the only things tha changed about him was not his looks, not his Georgetown education or the languages he speaks but the size of his wallet.

Exhibit B- Jesse Heiman

If you don't know who Jesse Heiman is let's refresh your memory,

This guy who has been in numerous movies and television shows but never had a major role until the commercial above where he locks lips with Bar Refaeli. We don't judge here at BNB but I'm certain 9 times out of 10 no women would pick this guy to kiss or let alone do anything else with. But after this commercial he says his agent can't stop fielding calls from executives who want to put him in movies or other commercials. Also he says women have been askng him out on dates and he has had to TURN SOME OF THEM DOWN because he can't keep up with the demand.


Like 50 Cent said, "A man becomes as attractive as an attractive woman when he becomes successful and is publicly noted.” If you disagree let us know because this is just mind boggling.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks." FML

If it were Lil Wayne he would have no worries.

Song Of The Week - Baauer- Harlem Shake

Here is the full "Harlem Shake" song by Baauer. For the past week or so I have been obsessed with these Harlem Shake viral videos. When I think I have seen them all its as if thirty more pop up. This song is addictive and catchy as hell. Who knows maybe we here at BNB might make our own video but considering we have no rhythm we might pass on that.

Line Of The Day

"Arod is like the Lindsay Lohan of the sports world..."

Well the way things have been going for Lohan lately I considered that a step up. Don't you agree?

My Dream Is To Marry One Of These Creatures

I was talking to my buddy the other day and he drops the line above "My dream is to marry one of these creatures." Now you may wonder who were we talking about, so to help you here she is, Jess Green

Jess Green

And just in case you needed another picture:

Jess Green

So he says to me if he ever had an opportunity to marry a woman it would be someone like her. He said of course there would have to be proof like getting her pregnant because no one would ever believe him. This would probably be the view of most men out there except...

But then I said something that I didn't think I would ever say, "I don't want to marry her for her looks because looks fade after time." I heard cars screeching to a halt outside, crying babies sitting still and men everywhere looking to take away my "man card."

My buddy just decided to give me a hug like he was Dr. Phil and I had made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.I will never live this down because none of my friends want to look me in the eyes anymore when they talk to me. It's like I'm Medusa and carrying the plague or something.

Lesson here is whenever a hot girl is mentioned in a conversation just agree because if you don't you become that guy and trust me I wish I wasn't that guy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

He has to raise his kids the right way

FML Of The Day

"Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky." My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a  private investigator, and I apparently need a new career." FML

Bad career choice for sure.

Katy Perry Should Have Been Nominated For That Dress Alone

Did I watch the Grammy's Award Show? Nope. Do I know most of the people that were nominated? Not really. But was I intrigued when I saw pictures of Katy Perry in that dress she had on? HELL YES!!

You know she had it going on when Elln forgets Portia De Rossi is on her arm. Ellen was like "who am I married to and can I just motorboat those titties?" I just loved every minute of this. It looks like someone found a loophole around the Grammy's dress code

And everybody hates on John Mayer because he is a jerk and does not treat women right, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This man gets to lie next to Perry and if that makes him a jerk then I want that to be my career parth.

I wanted to question that jacket he was wearing but I quickly realized he is on fire right now and all I do is write this blog.