Lazy Sunday Post - Missed Connections

Happy Lazy Easter Sunday everyone!  Here's another Philly post that really embodies the spirit of the City of Brotherly love:

looking 4 the man who saved my aunt - w4m - 30 (fishtown)

me and my aunt were walking out of the rite-aid on oxford when all that shit went down. i still cant believe you had not only that baseball bat but the courage to use it. getting all that gum out of my aunts hair was tough because shes old but in the end we managed to get it out. i wish u wouldve stayed and talked to the cops with us, they were sooo funny!! they really cheered us up and just so happened to have some pizza for us to eat. i would like to have pizza with you sometime because u took such good care of me and my aunt. if u remember correctly, my mouth is stapled shut but i always find a way to eat what i want.....................;)

email me with "rite-aid hero 4 real" as the subject line and describe what u were wearing (and wat you werent!) so that i know its you. have a happy presidents (sp?) day and i hope to hear form you 

FML Of The Day

"Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater." FML

You have to be kidding me with this because nobody is that dumb!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that he feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together." FML

I could definitely see his point on this. But how the heck did he get so good at it?!

Line Of The Day

"I saw a fat black lady waiting on line to get into shake shack... she does not need shake shack, she needs a shake weight."

That's a very descriptive analysis of the situation.

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Emma Glover

Hello Emma Glover! Is it just me or do her eyes scream "I would even give a clownish blogger one shot with me?" Okay that's just my imagination running wild but I can dream. Emma says she likes to be in charge in the bedroom. Oh don't worry, I can take orders.

welovepokergirls

FML Of The Day

"Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious." FML

This an epic FML.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush." FML

Wow, the audacity!

Song Of The Week- J. Cole- Power Trip

This week we have "Power Trip" by J. Cole of his upcoming album "Born Sinner." This tune is pretty tough and Cole is underrated but with more hits like this he won't be for much longer.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead and the rest of the class  had disappeared." FML

Where did those kids go?

Missed Connections Critic: Lazy Sunday Post

It’s the Missed Connections Critic here, teaming up with my good friends at Black and Brown.  I have my own blog here (hyperlink: http://missedyounot.com/), but as you can see, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything.  I usually rate Missed Connections posts, but on Sundays I just like to pick ones that can speak for themselves.  Here’s a Philadelphia post to give you an idea:

Some Pig - w4m - 29 (Lionville)

I was driving by and couldn't help but notice your sexy eyes. They glistened like diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. You were in a pig suit advertising $7.99 haircuts at the Super Cuts. I was sitting at the light right next to you. You were focused on the other side of the road, but when you turned it was like an 80s movie. Slow motion, Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen began to play, and then you made eye contact with those introspective pig eyes. You waved directly at me and then pointed to your $7.99 haircut sign. In that moment I really felt we had made a connection.

I'd love to get to know you and, if you could, bring that pig suit and a side of bacon. 

This has ruined Dirty Dancing for me forever.  How so?  Well, imagine this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rTzX_iM91c

Now think of that, except everyone is now wearing the pig mask from Saw:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=vNx3g9xe517xXM&tbnid=yKK_NzttH5NSaM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.michael-myers.net%2FphpBB%2Fviewtopic.php%3Ff%3D5%26t%3D90788&ei=FdFHUZfiJ-2u0AHOqICQBw&psig=AFQjCNE4fhXx58OYZ7UK4Ms6B1cDRxuTmg&ust=1363747469993809

I rest my case.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago." FML

This crap is hard to believe

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost eveything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and syarted scratching at her ass-crack." FML

That's an enjoyable image.

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Tulsi Gabbard

Wikipedia

I'm not a big fan of politicians and I'm going out on a limb and satb that most of you are not either.  But Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard from Hawaii made me rethink that stance, just for her that is. Michelle Obama, not doing it fore and Sarah Palin is old news. Tulsi, you literally took my breath away.

FML Of The Day

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis." FML

Head during a horror movie? He deserved it.

Line Of The Day

"Its like saying stretch limos are boring. You know you can't turn, you know you can't park it wherever you like. But you know you can have a feast inside. Set up a full bar if need be. And a buffet of course."

Limos are cool.

Cheese or A BlowJob, You Decide?

zcache

My roommate posed this question to me the other day and I thought what a stupid question. Now to most of you this is a no brainer but as I thought about it, it just made me think of all the products that contain cheese and all of it's awesome properties.

Put it like this I know this kid that is lactose intolerant and still eats chocolate cake, drinks milk and eats pizza. I mean when he does he makes sure to notify the authorities and all the bathrooms in the area because he is about to explode afterwards. It just goes to show the power of cheese.

No guy wants a bad blowjob. I mean if you get one you try to forget it by drinking yourself to sleep or crying because she or he (we don't judge here) bit your battering ram or pretended like they had never seen anythng like it before.

I still have not made my decision but I'm leaning closer and closer to cheese because women can get you angry but a great sandwich will never disappoint.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

Haha, its always the gay guy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees." It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects." FML

Someone find him some hlep!!!

Line Of The Day

"It's getting tough to stay positive about the upcoming season."

That is a Yankees' fan understanding how Mets' fans feel every season.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

Not saying that I would have turned down sex but now she knows how he feels when turned down.

Song Of The Week- Swedish House Mafia

This past weekend Swedish House Mafia played concerts in the tri-state area on what will be the final leg of their farewell tour. From wha has been reported the shows were pretty much soldout at MSG and the Barclays Center. So we decided to make them this week's artist of the week. Enjoy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing." FML

He should have called the cops, then that would be funny.