FML Of The Day

"Today, I had three things stolen: my phone, my iPod, and my girlfriend. All by the same guy." FML

I wonder in which order were they taken?

FML Of The Day

"Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants." FML

That could be awkward.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life." FML

Blackmail?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating." FML

Disaster!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean." FML

Wow, new levels of nasty! Not in a good way.

Line Of The Day

"Gangman style sounds like Open Condom style lol... Sorry I ruined the song for u lol..."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told  me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him." FML

He could have put both bitches shotgun... he fucked up.

FML Of The Day

"Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom." FML

Someone needs to move.

Line Of The Day

"I'm always open to sex tapes."

FML Of The Day

"Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roomate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase." FML

Oh joy!!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed." FML

Bad parents! They shouldn't be so loud or make sure the kids are out of the house.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up." FML

Lmao... wouldn't wake her up? Really? That shit can wake a person up out of a coma!

Line Of The Day

"Saw a good looking guy the other day.. I'm not gay but he had blue eyes."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out." FML

This is a lesson to all of you, drink in moderation if you plan on getting laid or you might end up like these two.

Song Of The Week

At fist I clikced on the Oregon Ducks mascot doing the parody to this song and after watching I was like not bad but I got to see the original. After watching the original I just can't get it out of my head. I wonder where have I been to not have heard this song already? If you are in the same boat and have not heard it yet, here it is. You're welcome.

Line Of The Day

"I saw a girl looking like a guy and a guy looking like a girl on the train... Truth be told the girl with no hair is better than the fat man with long hair."


That is usually the case unless the woman with short hair has a pot belly and no teeth then it just might be a toss up.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on." FML

That is a chill cop but I'm not sure I believe this. And where exactly is the FML in this?

FML Of The Day

"Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her." FML

Bitches be crazy (new bbc?)

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized my period was two weeks late and panicked about being pregnant due to missing a pill a few weeks ago.Then I remembered I haven't had sex in almost a year." FML

Why is she on the pill to begin with?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship." FML

Are these fake or are people really this stupid?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I surprisingly found two empty seats on the subway. Before anyone could get to them, I rushed and triumphantly sat down, enjoying my victory, until I noticed why they were empty. I had just sat down next to a guy vigorously trying to fellate himself." FML

Damn, that sucks!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change." FML

Must avoid eating coins

FML Of The Day

"Today, I have four flights, I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarrhea. Two flights in, I got my period." FML

Forget the day, that's a horrible week.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk." FML

Huh?

Line Of The Day

"Its like females running wild in tight pants around today."

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet and my wife." FML

I can't say I wouldn't have broken him into pieces.

Line Of The Day

"The women... the women."

Oh yes, man's favorite time of the year, when women wear less.

Underground Artist Wednesday

Before Skrillex became one of the most recognizable spinners in the world and after he left the band From First To Last he began recording his solo music. As Sonny Moore he started something totally different then his previous works but led to the works he produces today so listen and check out "Gypsyhook."

FML Of The Day

"Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time." FML

Not cool.

You Have To Be Kidding Me Chad?

http://www.inquisitr.com/301632/chad-johnson-cheated-on-evelyn-lozada-before-wedding-photo/

I lost a lot of respect for you Chad Johnson formerly Ochocinco or should I say "Oh no!" I'm not going to get into the domestic dispute because no one was there to prove which side of the story is factual or not. But you go and cheat on your wife with her:

Twitter

You have to be kidding me right? You are an NFL wide receiver who could have the cream of the crop when it comes to the groupie smash list and you picked her. I almost threw up after looking at that picture. I hope this broad is just jokng around and wants to jump on the let's hate Chad bandwagon because no way could you cheat down and not up, as Steve from the Talk of the Town  had written about earlier this year.

We here at the Black and Brown blog try not to disrespect or judge people but damn this is tough to overlook! She has no body, not that pretty, already has kids and does not keep her yap shut. After adding those up you can clearly see she has no discernible qualities whatsoever. Chad I think you're funny and a talented player but to steal a line from you "Child please."

Line Of The Day

"Wow! Do I smell burning chicken?"

This person must be black. Don't pretend like you were not thinking it.

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/pennsylvania-woman-accused-poisoning-man-visine-eyedrops-tells-police-wanted-attention-article-1.1134427


This broad gives women everywhere a bad name. Actually let me rephrase that, this broad gives sane women everywhere a bad name. I have never been in love but usually when you want someone's attention I don't know you might call them more, hang out with them or try getting their attention in some positive form or another. I don't think poisoning a person you like or love makes any sense. But what do I know? I just write a blog about stupid people doing stupid things everyday. I wonder if women read this article and said this dumb broad just ruined it for us again?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size." FML

The shit that happens when the alcohol starts flowing!

Song Of The Week

Rapper Future has just released a music video for his single "Turn On The Lights." The beat and flow might throw you off at first but if you lsiten to it a couple of times you will notice it is good. So check it out an don't be afraid to let us know what you think.

Stupid Sh** People Say

CSlacker.com

Black Kid: Hey, do you know karate?

Asian kid: No I don't with a quizzical look on his face.

Black kid: Are you sure because I watch a lot of Bruce Lee and you look like his cousin?

I will not lie to you, when I heard this I could not stop laughing. It took me sometime to regain my composure and move on. Oh the stereotypes that we bestow on each other whether on purpose or by accident. That Asian kid could have replied did you pack you r grape soda and fried chicken for lunch today? Or he could have went with how is your baby mama Kiki today? We could go back and forth all day but I will quit while not ahead.

Line Of The Day

"I like it when you take control."

FML Of The Day

"Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose some weight." FML

I feel that anonymous writer is doing the building a public service.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise!" FML

That's a good wife, he had the good life but now he's probably going to get a foot long knife.

FML Of The Day

"Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me on so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating." FML

Proof women are weird.

Line of The Day

"Going to that party was not worth all this itching from mosquito bites."

It's better than itching from an STD.

Song Of The Week

This week we have the man from Cleveland himself Kid Cudi. We can all agree that playing Cudi is never a bad idea, so here he is with his song "Mr. Rager."

FML Of The Day

"Today, I packed all my clothes in a black garbage bag, so I could easily move them to my new house. When I came back outside to load it into my car, the bag was missing, and all I could see was a garbage truck driving away with the week's trash." FML

Ouch, I'd be devastated!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderley man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed." FML

You don't have to give mouth to mouth... should have just started with compressions.

Song Of The Week

This week we have a party jam if there ever was one with Afrojack and Shermamology's "Can't Stop Me." If you can't get down to this then someone needs to check your pulse because you might be dead.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was walking to the movie theatre with my boyfriend, when three guys muscled over and told us to hand over our phones. My boyfriend didn't waste anytime pushing past me and running like hell, leaving me in tears and almost having a panic attack." FML


He clearly didn't follow protocol.

Line Of The Day

"Full frontal blurry nudity."

Stupid Sh** People Say

We have a new feature to the blog and it's called "Stupid Sh** People Say." Every Monday we will try to bring you some of the stupidest and asinine things peole say to each other. So if you're out there don't worry we'll find you.

Does He Love Me

                                              

Girl: "Does he love me?"

This is a very good question and we are here to bring you the answer. Why would you say that to begin with? Yes, he cheats on you with other women, calls only when he wants sex and treats you like trash. But with all that said he loves you more than breathing because we all know if you don't breathe you die. Hopefully that answers your question.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

Wow! That's so wrong... but a 6-year-old can get away with it.

Line Of The Day

"Btw I'm looking at a beautiful black girl! She is cute and has a ginormous ass with nice looking breasts. The only problem is that she is with some nigga that is about 6'5'' and 250 pounds, like a linebacker. But let me reiterate her ass is amazing."

Good thing he didn't spot him checking out his girl because he would have tackled him.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened." FML

Someone has a problem.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

What is there not to like about Olivia Munn? She is pretty, funny and has a nice body to boot. We even found out that she was going to be topless in a current movie but unfortunately that movie is "Magic Mike." There is no way we are sitting through men gyrating and middle-aged women losing their minds while throwing dollar bills at the screen. With that being we would not mind her stripping for us. Like Childish Gambino said "...texting with Olivia Munn, hopefully she gives me some..."

Famous Base

Merry Christmas in July!

Line Of The Day

"On my way to the barber for the first time in 11 months."

I kid you not folks, when I saw this man I started praying because I thought he was our Lord and savior Jesus Christ.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my dad sat me down for a talk. After the talk, he wasn't my dad anymore." FML

Must be a good guy to take care of a random offspring.

Song Of The Week

That Carly Rae Jepsen and her catchy tune "Call Me Maybe" is like crack. You say it is no good for you, you try to walk away but the song comes on and you can't grab that needle fast enough. Don't pretend like you don't like it because over 50 million YouTube views proves we're right.

Line Of The Day

"I think we should smoke more."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my neighbors are moving. As we were saying our goodbyes, their 12-year-old son approached and thanked me for the times I forgot to shut the blinds and he watched me change." FML

Such a courteous kid.

That's Exactly Why You Got Knocked Out!

So this is a perfect exampe of what happens when you disrespect someone and think everything is fine and dandy. Let's be serious this fighter still would have been beaten like she stole something but at least she would not have angered her opponent. Just maybe she would have made it out the first round instead of getting destroyed five seconds into the bout. This video should be a reminder to you all, don't get out of line or "you will get knocked the fuck out!"

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was at the airport. I was on my way to see my dad for the first time since I was 4. Whilst I was waiting for my dad to find me, a strange man started flirting with me. Irriated, I told him I was waiting for my dad to get me, and to f*ck off. The strange man was my father." FML

That's a true FML.

Line Of The Day

"Now this is my kinda weather today."

I beg to differ.

Song Of The Week

We have no idea why but this song is cactchy and keeps geeting stuck in our head. It may not be the greatest or that well written but it still makes for a good pump up song. So check out Electric Six and their song "Danger, High Voltage," and let's hope your power does not go out in this heat.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe." FML

Hmmmmmm, wet boobies make me smile.

Line Of The Day

"Would you put up a video of you masturbating?"


That is definitely a clown question, bro.

Man Creates A Way For People To Take Shower Without Water

http://news.yahoo.com/south-african-innovator-takes-water-showering-145153650.html

So this student in South Africa has invented a way for people to take showers without having to use water. When I first heard this I thought that's some creativity. But then after reading further you realize the reason he came up with this is because his roomate was lazy and not willing to take a shower. A shower does not have to take hours, a good 10-15 minutes should get the job done unless you were mud wrestling then that could be a longer process. I wonder if his roomate gets some credit for developing the idea because all the great ones need a muse.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later." FML

Disaster on top of disaster

Underground Artist Wednesday

This week we have hip-hop group Pac Div from California. This week's song is "Anti-Freeze" which was sampled by Maino and Lloyd Banks as well. In this heat we definitely need something to cool us down.

FML Of The Day

"Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he." FML

Karma is a whore bitch!

Line Of The Day

Today we will do things a bit differently as a friend of ours decided to send us the ghetto word of the day, enjoy.

"Omelette"- I should punch you for what you just said, but omelette it go this time.

Song Of The Week

A couple of days ago VH1's Classic Albums had an episode featuring Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and their album "Damn The Torpedoes." It's pretty amazing to hear the work and ideas that go into making music and this was no different. Petty said the song "Don't Do Me Like That" was kind of inspired by his dad because whenever he would do something his dad disagreed with the phrase "don't do me like that" would be uttered.

FML Of The Day

"Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a 'magic-one-finger-glove.' It was a used condom." FML

I'd give him money to take the shit away from me.

Eddie Curry Should Not Be Given A Ring, Period!

Ball Junkie

As I'm watching the Miami Heat championship celebration with all their fans and half the team's front office wearing nerdy glasses, that's a story for another day. But what what really got me pissed off and angry was Eddie Curry participating like he helped in some way.

I bet you half the team if not all of them had no idea Curry was even on the team. They probably thought was a fan got great seats to watch the game from the bench. Second-year player Dexter Pittman and rookie Norris Cole did more during the season and playoffs then this guy. Brian Cardinal gets a lot of flack for being an overpaid bum but at least I saw him play during the Dallas Mavericks run to the NBA Finals last season. He even got the nickname the "Custodian" because he actually puts in work unlike the out of shape, non-basketball playing Eddie Curry.

Does it bug me that he was a former Knick and now has a ring? Yes it does but I would congratulate if he actually did something. The picture above illustrates what he has done for the past couple of seasons, sit on the bench and get a front row seat to good basketball.

Sidenote- Can somebody tell me why he was interviewed during the celebration? He did nothing to contribute.

Line Of The Day

"I need you to pat me on the back cause I can't reach because I'm too sore."

Underground Artist Wednesday

Bronze Radio Return is a band from Hartford, Connecticut and played at the recent SXSW music festival. One of the songs that I have been listening to recently is Shake! Shake! Shake! which is also the name of their album. So give it a listen and you know where you heard it first. If not on this blog then disregard the place you heard it before and now we are first. 

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that my husband and my cat have something in common, they both like to lick themselves." FML

Eewwwww.

Line Of The Day

"Wtf is this shit about 6 stolen bases in one day? I need Ricky Henderson for this type of shit."


We have a fantasy baseball owner in some distress.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that my wife and two teenage daugters' periods are all one week after the other. I am living in hell almost every single day." FML

That doesn't make sense... Women living together usually synchronize. Look at me pretending to know what I'm talking about.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

Some months back we posted  Roshni Chopra as our sexy lady of the week. This time around her sister Gurleen Chopra makes the cut. We know what your thinking "but we never heard of her before." Well that's why we are here to open your mind and eyes to the many diamonds in the rough out there. If you have any ideas for sexy ladies send them to us at blknbr@gmail.com  but please don't create an avatar or cartoon because as flattered as we would be, you could do better.

Santabanta

Line Of The Day

"Work hard, play harder, sleep hardest."

"Yes, no maybe?"


Good try but maybe you should leave this to the professionals.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donating box." FML

That's a good comeback... smart and rich.

Underground Artist Wednesday

Schoolboy Q is a west coast rapper who is making a name for himself in the game right now. In his latest song featuring another up and coming rapper A$AP Rocky he delivers "Hands On The Wheel," which is sampled from Kid Cudi's "Pursuit Of Happiness." If you're in the NYC area Schoolboy Q will be performing at Central Park on June 25 with Childish Gambino.

Line Of The Day

"I told her no! I like her face to my penis."

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can." FML

Who to blame?

Song Of The Week

Daniel Bedingfield might sound familiar to most of you because not only did he have a couple of hits not too long ago he is also the brother of Natasha Bedingfield. He released a new video called "Rocks Off" and is ready to introduce his music to new fans. Here is one of his earlier hit singles "Gotta Get Thru This."

Line Of The Day

Person 1: "My shoulder still hurts from when you hit me with that baseball bat."

Person 2: "I know right, my shoulder hurts from all the swinging I did."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo." FML

That would work.

Would You Be Her Girlfriend?

So everybody's favorite pop singer Justin Bieber has a new single out called "Boyfriend." I'm pretty sure you have heard it even though you probably could care less. Of course someone had to make a cover called "Girlfriend" and I must admit it was very good. It probably is better than the original in my opinion. It brings to mind women that pretend to be girlfriends but really are psychopaths in disguise.

Line Of The Day

"I'm tired of this artsy movie like porn shit! Can they please just fuck already? Don't get me wrong I like a good plot but sometimes they just need to get on with it already. This soft lovey dovey fucking sucks!"

This man is passionate about his porn but I wish there was a way to direct that anger towards something productive. Maybe a director?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was in a business meeting. I was showing a powerpoint to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my porn hub subscription." FML

Never subscribe.

Line of The Day

"I like the holiday themed porn... It's a nice touch."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster." FML 

This is not funny.

Song Of The Week

I heard this song over the weekend and knew it had to go up on the blog. It is a song a couple of years old by Belgium singer Stromae called "Alorse on Danse" or as many of us will interpret it "I Love Dance." If you didn't like dancing before this song you definitely will after listening to it. There is an english version to this but this is good enough.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a random guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face," then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before." FML

That's just wrong.

Song Of The Week

Today we have the Brooklyn duo of Matt and Kim and their song "Lessons Learned." The video for this is interesting because they decided to get naked in the middle of Times Square. Erykah Badu said she got inspired by this video to do her own verion on her hit song "Window Seat." So sit back and check out this fun and energetic band.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I went on a 7-hour plane flight. For 3 hours I had a bloody nose. When it finally stopped, I sneezed. It started to bleed again." FML

Lmao, I can see it now.

Memorial Day

AP

It's Memorial Day and around this time we start thinking about summer plans, going to the beach and barbecues. But also let us remember the soldiers who gave their lives and continue to fight so we can enjoy the freedoms we have today. You don't have to go out and do anything elaborate but just acknowledge the men and women who fight for this country.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my doctor gave me a physical. After all was done, he told me that I have to lose weight before I can safely start working out. Uh what?" FML

Hint, hint he's saying get that lipo first.

FML Of The Day

"Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong." FML

Lol, of course Americans would do that.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal." FML

Haha

Line Of The Day

"I like the holiday themed porn, it is a nice touch."

I didn't know there was holiday themed porn.

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/Woman-in-hot-pink-duct-tape-attacks-injures-3-cops-152214775.html

I wish I could have seen this in person because it just seemed like it was quite a spectacle. This was just another normal day in Seattle. Lady running around naked attacking police officers in her path. Then as I read this further it dawns on me that she was able to injure these cops. Whatever happened to knocking her to the ground and placing cuffs on her? She definitely had to be on steriods or something. Some of you might disagree but in this case police brutality might have been warranted.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

Today we have Julianne Hough of "Dancing With The Stars" fame. Let me paint a picture for you, you are a having a bad day and nothing is going right. The next person you see is going to get a face full of fists if they even look at you wrong. But then you see Hough smiling at you and the day seems brighter like the sun just emerged from behind the dark clouds. Don't get me wrong you are probably still looking to kill someone but maybe you put that off for now and talk to her instead.

USA Today

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I wonder how long he waited before telling her?

Line Of The Day

"Are you gonna party and get wasted with allergies?"

"Nope, I feel too sick."

"You don't party with them white boys then."

I still don't understand what the last line had to do with being sick.

Underground Music Wednesday

Today we have English singer and pianist Jasmine van den Boegaerde, better known as Birdy. The 16-year-old who released her ep late last year does a wonderful cover of Phoenix's hit song "1901." So here is the video for sed song.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

Why are niggas in a rush to put a ring on it? Beyonce was just making a song, she didn't mean it literally.

FML Of The Day

"Today, after two months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You are hot. Are you single?" FML

This is not an FML at all... It's an insult to the website. I'm outraged.

Song Of The Week

This week we have a monster collaboration with the likes of Kanye West, Big Sean Chief Keef, Pusha T and Jadakiss. The song "I Don't Like" is a remix of the song originally by Chicago's own Chief Keef. It uses that drum beat that most hip-hop/rap songs have now but that does not take away from the fire brought on this track. Give it a listen and let's see if you don't like.

Line Of The Day

"Niggas are willing to marry anything... I guess I'm the superficial asshole!"

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttering that I'm dangerously close to becoming single." FML

I'm not a good loser but dump her? No, he should bang her harder!!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a  metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother." FML

well deserved

FML Of The Day

"Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it." FML

That's messed up.

Line Of The Day

"I like to open my mouth wide open... and put her breasts in it."

I still don't know why he paused while he said that.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

While perusing the internet I noticed there was a new Playboy Playmate of the year, so of course I had to view the video of her for business purposes. We hope to bring the best to you here at the Black and Brown Blog. The winner is Jaclyn Swedberg, who happens to be Miss April 2011 as well.  So here is the lovely Jaclyn talking about her experience on Playboy Tv.

FML Of The Day

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room." FML

Great family.

Underground Wednesday

The British are coming, the British are coming. Well not quite but there have been some artists who have crossed the pond to have huge success here in the US. Hoping to do the same is Ed Sheeran, who will be releasing his album "+" in the US/Canada in June. Here is his song "The A Team" which is one of the tracks off the album.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML

That's not cool at all.

Song Of The Week

This week's song comes from Queens' own Nas and his new song "Daughters." The song has a nice flow to it and a pretty good beat as well. Not to mention that it has a good message as only Nas can deliver. I bet every dad that listens to this song can definitely relate to it.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either." FML

Such a guy thing to do.

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://news.yahoo.com/dentist-ex-girlfriend-hell-turns-hoax-213209078.html

So last week I made fun of a guy for going to a dentist who was also his ex-girlfriend. Now it appears that that was all a hoax and it never happened. I guess the FUS this week is on me for getting caught up in the hype and pretty much throwing this guy under the bus. If he was real he definitely deserved to have all his teeth pulled out. Sorry fake dude for making fun of you in a fake story and applauding your fake girlfriend. Oh well what can you do?

This Is The Only Way Mark Sanchez And Tim Tebow Can Make This Work

Getty

You might say, "Duh, the only way this could work is if they win football games." Well of course that's one way but let us think out of the box for a second. These men both play in the NFL, play in New York (sorry Jersey), and are both in their twenties. So when all that is added up you get the perfect wingmen.

I don't know much, well actauly I know very little but what I do know is that these two men are in the prime of their sex-drive years. I know women that start breathing harder and panting like dogs whenever Sanchez's face is plastered on the televsion screen. I don't know if I should call 911 or get out the room and let her go to work. And yes I am well aware that Tebow is a virgin and is not looking to give it up until he is married but that just makes him an even better wingman.

Women will want to be the first ones to take it away and that lucky lady will have bragging rights no person could take away. They don't even gave to go to bars, clubs or places of that nature. If Sanchez could suck it up they can go to churches, restauarants or wherever it is Tebow goes in his spare time.

Well this ever happen? Probably not but if the Jets are smart they will look into this because it's Super Bowl or bust this year. Or was that last year or maybe the year before. You get the point.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend of two years logged into my Facebook account and broke up with himself. He is now receiving loads of sympathy, while I'm being accused of lying about it to save my reputation." FML

Fucked up but smart.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light." FML

This is new to me.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up." FML

Insecure much?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided." FML

I hope no guy is doing this.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

She is a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover model. She is allegedly dating Mark Sanchez of the New York Jets. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. She likes dancing especially in public and we are glad to see that. If you still have no idea who we are talking about it's Kate Upton. I'm shocked it took this long for her to actually make this list.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question." FML

I bet she wants a piece of that beautiful chocolate man.

Is That Person A Man Or Woman?

Trial X

I was walking around just enjoying this beautiful May day when I this person grabs my attention. This sed person was walking about 10-15 feet in front of me. Let me paint a picture so you could let your imagintaion run wild: This person was wearing a long black leather trench coat, a black brimmed hat, with boots and  pulling one of those rolling luggage bags. At this point you would say this person is a) An undertaker, b) Amish or c) In their own little world.

But that's not what made this person stand out from the rest. People kept walking by and looking back either confused or saying "wtf" or "really?" So while trying not to laugh out loud I know I had to see what was this person wearing that I could not see. I was going to follow this person but not chase them but sensing my dilema this person turned around and bam! This person had weird looking facial hair but the facial features of a woman and long hair to boot.

So to get to the point I have no idea if she or he is a she or a he. I don't have a picture to show you but going of the description just given what do you think? The only thing you win is the piece of mind that you helped a brother out.

Underground Wednesday

A friend of mine sent me a some artists to look up and this week one of them gets featured on the blog. We have Melody Gardot and her song "Deep Within The Corners Of My Mind," which is a very jazzy, soulful type of song. So sit back, relax and give it a listen because she has a very soothing voice.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response; "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

Ouch.

FUS= Fucked Up Story

So as I was reading this story I was thinking it is true what they say "crack is wack." This lady is a prime candidate for crackheads anonymous and would probably be the poster child for why drugs are not cool. But then I read further and realized this woman not only is a stripper but also sold hot dogs things hit the fan. First off, where, no forget that, why is she stripping? If she applies for a job at a strip club you turn her away because you have to think of your patrons. Just think of the customer service complaints. What is it with these moms tanning too much or stripping past their prime? You read it hear first those kids are going to need a therapist when they grow up, if they haven't gone to one already.

Line Of The Day

Why is Bieber with Lil Wayne, 50 Cent and Floyd Matweather? This shit is just not acceptable... fuck our lives. (FOL)

FML Of The Day

"Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in." FML

If she is still with him after that I don't see why anything else should be off limits.

Song Of The Week

Steve Aoki and Afrojack are really big in House music at the moment but put them together and your mind just get's blown. In the video to their song "No Beef" featuring Miss Palmer you just want to hang out with them and have a good time. I still wonder what is in that drink they keep passing around?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in  my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family." FML

Great family situation.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test." FML

Someone is gonna get sued.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped." FML

That is exactly why I never try to impress anyone.

Line Of The Day

"I went in but I don't eat anything. I just go in and out."

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2136265/Dentist-Anna-Mackowiak-pulled-ALL-boyfriend-Marek-Olszewski-s-teeth-dumped-her.html?ICO=most_read_module&fb_source=message

You might read this story and say "wow that guy got screwed over." You mighyt even think that I will agree with your assessment of this crazy story but that's not going to happen. Why would this guy go back to a dentist that used to be his girlfriend that he dumped for another woman? At that point I'm looking for another dentist even if it's in another city. Oh yeah and after she pulled out all your teeth your current girl dumped you, I could have figured that out.

The Sun

Sexy Lady Of The Week

The hype from "The Hunger Games" has died down somewhat but a month ago you could not move without hearing about it. Well that brought to our attention lead actress Jennifer Lawrence and boy are we happy about that. She is athletic, good looking and seems to have a sense of humor. You might ask how do we know that? Well check out this clip from "Chelsea Lately" and yes I watch the show so don't judge me.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

Wow!

FUS= Fucked Up Story

WABC

This is why people should have to take a test or obtain a license to be a parent. This woman above decided not only was she going to tan until she was literally bronze in the face but she has been accused of letting her five-year-old daughter enter a tanning booth as well. I hope this is not the case because turning her kid into a Jersey Shore wannabe at the ripe old age of five is not a good look. Tell me that picture above does not scream mother of the year?


http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/02/11500434-new-jersey-tanning-mom-denies-charges-of-child-endangerment?ocid=ansmsnbc11

Line Of The Day

"Just because you want it."

This line was in response to passing a test but of course I took it to mean something totally different.

Underground Wednesday

Colin Munroe has been on the music scene for sometime now but has not yet garnered the mass media attention for a person who has worked with Wale, Drake, and Bun B to name a few. He also did a cover of Kanye West's hit "Flashing Lights" so check out his song "Last Cause" ft. 88 Keys

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum." FML

Someone get a fucking doctor

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://www.news.com.au/weird-true-freaky/man-left-crying-in-the-street-after-being-trapped-by-german-nymphomaniac/story-e6frflri-1226343287504

This is not your usual wacky story but it is one nonetheless. So this German lady left a man crying in the streets after she as he put it tried to "kill me with sex." Most guys would be happy with a woman who loves to have sex and won't stop until she gets enough but be careful what you wish for. This is not her first rodeo as she did this to man she picked up last month. She could go all night but these guys needed a gatordae break and some rest for their manhood. There is so much thrusting and tugging a man can take.

The Chive

Line Of The Day

"I like that fat baby."

Song Of The Week

I have been listening to a lot of Cinematic Sunrise lately. It is the band that was fronted by Craig Owens, who was also in the bands Chiodos and Isles and Glaciers as well. You could pretty much say that he is a talented individual. So today we have "The Wordless" from his debut EP with Cinematic Sunrise.

FML Of The Day

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

What a bitch!!! I would have bachanded her.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was looking through my roomates room trying to find a dvd, when I stumbled upon a bundle of pictures of me, showering and sleeping." FML

That's harassment.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I decided not to wear any makeup. I got told 13 times at work that I looked ill." FML

That is why you shouldn't overdo it.

Line Of The Day

The way were going the next time we are going to hang out is at one of our funerals. Unless of course one of us is working that day.

BNB 78 Vagina Bleach

FML Of The Day

Today, I came home from work to find my kids playing Frisbee with my collection of rare, valuable vinyl records. The term "Smash hit record"took on a whole new meaning." FML

Damn that sucks!

Underground Wednesday

This week we got another rapper from the west coast who goes by the name of Kendrick Lamar. He has a new song out called "The Recipe" ft Dr. Dre off of his forthcoming album Good Kid in a Mad City. Just sit back and give this tune a listen.

FML Of The Day

"Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML

Really? I don't really get it.

BNB 77 You Are The Father!

Song Of The Week

The brown man comes through with another song this week called Meyyana Inbam. And we discussed how 99.9% of you out there won't understand the lyrics to this song. It is supposed to be a dance/pop song so give it a listen and who knows you might like it. Also watch how they get down in this music video.

FML Of The Day

"Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend." FML

Sounds about right.

BNB 76 Dumb Bank Robbers

FML Of The Day

"Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light." FML

I bet this happened in New York City

FML Of The Day

"Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pick-pocketed me." FML

Smh

FML Of The Day

"Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us." FML

LMAO

Sexy Lady Of The Week

I tell this story to whoever wants to listen and if you don't I will tell it anyway. A year ago I was walking around and happen to see a familiar face on the street. This person was wearing a miniskirt and was kind of tall. At first I thought that's a hot looking lady and realized the blonde hair had been replaced by a brunette. It was actress Malin Akerman and I tell you movies and television don't do her justice. If movie companies want to make money they might as well have her visit every home in the country because that will definitely bump up ticket sales. If you don't believe me check out the picture below but sadly that just won't cut it.

AP

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out my boyfriend and I have more in common than I thought. We both are sexually attracted to men." FML

Haha, 3-way?

BNB 75 China's Virgin Boy Eggs

Line Of The Day

"Was Hitler on the "Time Magazine" cover?"

That was after I was told by the same person that Jeremy Lin and Tim Tebow made the "Time Magazine Most Influential 100." I still have no idea how Hitler follows those two.

Underground Wednesday

This week we have California native Kid Ink who has been on the scene dropping mixtapes before but he is primed to add his name to the next crop of young rappers. So here is his first single "Time Of Your Life" off of his debut album "Up & Away" which I have not been able to stop listening to. By the way the female in this video is a little hottie if I may say so.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time." FML

Didn't think that would be possible.

BNB 74 Naked Museum Tour

BNB 73 Tim Tebow Press Conference

Song Of The Week

The song of the week is from Gotye featuring Kimbra called "Somebody That I Used To Know." They just played out in California at the Coachella Musical Festival and this song was #1 for the YouTube top 100 for 2011. So shout-out to the brown man for suggesting this song and check out the cool video.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me, my boobs." FML

Sounds about right.

BNB 72 Jobless And Footless

BNB 71 Naked Auto Show

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station." FML

Haha, he tried.

BNB 70 Dying In Style

BNB 69 Sausage Leads To Prison

Song Of The Week

April 2 was Marvin Gaye's birthday so we decided to have his song the featured song of the week. Don't forget to get his 40th anniversary release of his album "What's Going On" which was released last year. Some might call him one of the original panty droppers. Here he is singing the National Anthem.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt." FML

That's nasty.

BNB 68 Tebowing All The Way To The Jets

Line Of The Day

"Next to man, the porpoise is the most intelligent creature on Earth. WTF is a porpoise?"

BNB 67 Woman Raping Man

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that when people in my apartment complex warn their kids about strangers, they use me as the example." FML


He's that guy.

BNB 66 World's Fattest Woman

BNB 65 Mice For Dinner

FML Of The Day

"Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club." FML

Not buying it.

BNB 64 Tyson Wannabe

Line Of The Day

"Cabrera took a shot to the face that would make Peter North jealous."

BNB 63 Strip Club To The Rescue

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was enjoying a passionate moment of foreplay with my boyfriend. I was giving him a blowjob, and I swallowed. He then freaked out and said I just ate our future children, making me a cannibal." FML

What an ungrateful mf!

BNB 62 Don't Brag About Banging Another Man's Woman

BNB 61 Damn That Must've Been Some Good Salsa!

Line Of The Day

"Pussy time!!! Bring some rubber.

Underground Wednesday

Today we have the song Cashin Out by Cash Out. The beat is not to bad and the song has a decent flow. If you don't believe us just give it a listen and see if you don't want to start cashin out.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my 27 year old boyfriend chose playing with Lego over making sweet love to me." FML

Maybe he would have chose her if she wanted it hardcore.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found a bug under my foreskin." FML

That sucks.

Line of The Day

"Animals don't understand the concept of "don't bite the hands that feeds you."

Sexy Meteorologist #6

We continue this last week because we have had a positive response for the sexy meteorologists. So today we have Telemundo's weather girl Mary Gamarra. We have begun to realize that there are hot weather women so when they screw up the weather we won't get that mad because look at them.

AP

BNB 60 Condoms Are Too Expensive!

FML Of The Day

"Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my hand." FML

A scene straight out of the Three Stooges.

Sexy Meteorologist #5

As we continue rolling here with our sexy meteorologists this week today we feature Ginger Zee of ABC's Good Morning America.

NBC Chicago

BNB 59 Struck By Cupid's Arrow

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mother burst through the door holding a video camera and exclaimed, "AWW, my baby's first time!" FML

Really?!????!!

Sexy Meteorologist #4

Usually we have a sexy lady of the week but of course you see we have a sexy meteorologist going on at the moment. Today we have not let you down as we have Maria Molina of Fox News:

Fox News