Line Of The Day

"Becoming a millionaire is much easier than trying to figure out what's going on in the mind of a women."

There is some shred of truth in that.

How Much Money Would It Take For You To Have Sex With Someone Of The Same-Sex?

Paranormal Knowledge

While hanging out with friends recently we were talking and having a good time as we usually do, then things took a turn for the interesting, the very interesting. Someone posed the question, "How much money would it take for you to sleep with someone of the same-sex?" How this question came about I have no idea but it brought up some entertaining responses.

One guy said he would do it for a million dollars and the guy had to have micropenis. Another guy said it would take five million and he didn't care if people knew about it because he would be "rich bitch." One of the females in the group said every guy that said he would not have sex with another guy for a million dollars is lying. It's funny how she never mentioned if she would carpet dive into another female but the time has passed.

I on the other hand could not do it for no type of financial gain. You might be saying, "don't be coy we knew you would be the first to get piped out." I disagree with you and here is why. The second I take the dick I have to make a lifestyle choice that I'm just not prepared to make. Second, the person giving you the money to have sex with them is probably going to set up their own guidelines. It might be Lexington Steele or Peter North ready to tear that ass up. They might want to tape in the middle of Times Square with cameras everywhere and women watching who may not be into a guy who had a guy in him. I'm sorry but I would like my butt as tight as the day I left my mom's birth canal.

So how much money would it take for you to sleep with someone for the same-sex?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had yet another class with my psychotic, conservative uber-religious teacher. The "well-known statistic" of today? Over 90% of people who have ever watched porn end up having a divorce due to psychological damage from said porn." FML

I'm going to be in the 10% category on that one.

Song Of The Week- Zedd ft. Foxes- Clarity

This song right here, this song right here, is pretty damn good if you ask me. It just makes me want to get out on the dance floor and just go ham. Check out Zedd, with the song "Clarity."

This Chick is Just Straight Up Killing It!

I have usually seen people try and do this with batons or those flowing stringy stuff. But this is just unreal! She is actually throwing around a ball like its... I'm almost at a lost for words. The passion, the technique and the precision. Even the French judge gave her a 10.

Lazy Monday Post- Missed Connections

Like an idiot I forgot to post Missed Connections at it's regular scheduled time yesterday. So to make up for it here it is:

I smelled you at work - w4w - 18 (Nbpt)

So........ I massaged you um professionally recently and you smelled like baked swordfish with lemon. Suffice it to say I wanted it so bad I baked a haddock and polished it off. I never want to see you again but just wanted you to know, You smell like fish

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her." FML

Oh hell fucking no! I'd poor water on the mother and wake her up.

Line Of The Day

"Walking around the apartment in boxers should be mandatory!"

You really do feel free.

Is It Offensive?

Wordpress

I walk into a supermarket the other day to buy groceries. When I get to the register the cashier says "would you like to donate to the Children's Cancer Fund?" I said no and that just started off a storm. The cashier gave me the mean mug as she handed me back my change and I could feel the eyes of the people behind me burning a hole through me.

Now I ask you should I be offended that they were so mean to me? Yeah that's right they were mean to me. Oh you thought I was going to say I was being offensive when I said no? Yeah that would be too easy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

Haha, you just can't win with women. They are like a different species.

Line Of The Day

"Get a smartphone, just do it. Girls like a man with a smartphone because she won't pose for you with a flip phone."

I did not know I majored in photography.

Is this boy band 4Count for real?

I saw this video on YouTube the other day and could not wrap my mind around it. They are called 4Count and they have a song called Snapbacks, which, what do you know has a music video. They are singing, they have dancers in the video and there is a hot woman in it as well... but it just does not add up.

I showed this to my roommate and he said and I quote, "I just lost five minutes of my life that I will never, ever get back. Thanks!" So you decide if this video is for real or they just made a parody and the joke is on them.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree." FML

Wow!!! I don't think she knows what it means to be a mother.

Line Of The Day

"I have seen a lot of women with short/pixie hair these days and I wonder whom we should credit with this, Halle Berry or Rihanna?"

This is a very good question.

Public Service Announcement

                                                                       

We were told a few days or so about a story and that we had to make a public service announcement to men out there. It seems like men are flat out doing more stupid things than usual to get laid nowadays. And that's saying something.

1) Don't rent an apartment or buy a house with a women. This could only lead to issues and problems down the line. You may say "well I'm not sleeping with her and I don't plan to." Yeah come back to me in a few months and tell me how you're penis and her vagina are making out. And if she is not boning you she will be brining guys over who will. Imagine as you are trying to go to sleep at night you hear from the other room "God damn this is the best dick I have ever had!" Then you have to move out and find a new place, which will cause your wallet and self-esteem to shrink.

2) If you don't plan on making her your girlfriend or marrying her please don't move in with her. You can still find a guy to be your roommate and bring her over to lay the pipe too. Trust me it will save you money and having to drink away your sorrows at the end of the day.

3) Don't move into a one-bedroom with her. Imagine when you bring a girl home and she brings a guy home. How do you decide who get's the bed? Do you flip a coin or play two out of three rock-paper-scissors? Imagine how awkward that is going to be. Guys will bang a woman anywhere but you bring her back for the bed not the couch. Am I wrong?

Unfortunately these are all true stories and hopefully this will knock some common sense into men out there.

Song Of The - Kid Cudi ft. Too Short- Girls

Kid Cudi is back and he is just brining that hot fire with him. He has a song right now called "Girls" featuring Too Short off of his upcoming album "Indicud." He might have left Kanye's G.O.O.D. Music label but you can't deny this man has talent. And since the summer is right around the corner you know there will definitely be some hot women out there just wearing less and less. Damn, I love the summer!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume." FML

This has to be fake, right?

FML Of The Day

"Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting." FML

Talk about a bad mother! Why am I not surprised its from Florida.

Line Of The Day

"My neighbors still think President Obama is Muslim."

You are probably thinking "oh this must be from down south," but no, it's Jersey.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the joker for the same convention." FML

He should have went with it and turned it into a real comic book. BOOM, POW, ZING

Lazy Sunday Post- Missed Connections

Great reasons not to litter: 1) it makes you look like an asshole and 2) a large, angry man might call you out on it.

Sorry I made you piss your pants - m4w - 36 (Marlboro, MA)

To the woman in front of me at Dunkie's this morning.

Sorry I freaked out on you, but when I see a disgusting animal such as yourself throw your old iced coffee cup out the window it enrages me. I'm sorry that I didn't realize you were a small framed woman before I picked up your cup and knocked on your window asking if you had dropped something. I'm sorry that besides needing a car wash after I dumped your old ice coffee on your windshield, that you also seemed that you were going to need a new pair of pants because it looked like you pissed yourself when such a large man was screaming at you through your closed window. Don't worry though, even though you sped off without getting your new coffee, the woman at the window thanked me for giving a shit that dirt bags like you think you can trash our planet without anyone calling you on it.

FYI, I wouldn't go back to that Dunkie's again, they are watching for you and I can only hope they spit in your coffee from now on.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted." FML

Haha! You don't when you're sleeping but I like her idea.

FML Of The Day

"Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong." FML

I'm sure guys were still competing to hit that.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself." FML

Forget commando, time for diapers.

Line Of The Day

"If someone don't look good in shades, odds are they are fugly."

I guess we are going to see a lot of those with the nice weather.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother." FML

That's rough. I wonder if they are going to hell for saying that?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone." FML

What a dumb-ass! I give her all the credit in the world.

Lazy Sunday Post- Missed Connections

Something to think about next time you're in the park:

Red Sweatshirt and Black Converse in Washington Square Park - m4w - 22 (Greenwich Village)
I saw you on a bench in Washington Square Park today, Saturday afternoon, and I know what you were doing with your hands in your lap. It was a thrill to sit near you, even two benches away. Write me with the name of the College on your hoodie; maybe you'd like someone to help turn the pages for you next time, but all I want to know is what was on your Kindle that got you so turned on.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch." FML

I call that my Friday and Saturday nights.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had my first game ever as an ice hockey goalie. Our team didn't have a goalie helmet, so they gave me a regular one which didn't cover me completely. I was worried about it and told my coach, but he said I would be fine. I then took a puck to the throat that sent me to the hospital." FML

I smell a lawsuit brewing.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

I bet you guys didn't see this one coming, huh? Tina Fey has grown on me over the years and I'm not mad at that. She is funny and witty plus she is a sneaky kind of hot. Nothing about her physically pops out at you at first but after watching her you become smitten with her and have no idea why.

Search Weight

Sidenote: I'm a major fan of the glasses and can't wait for her to take them off.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother." FML

Do people not have locks on their doors?

What's Wrong With My Flip Phone?

What's wrong with my flip phone? That's the question I ask you. Everyone who sees it have this amazed look on their face as if they didn't think it existed. My friend always tries to get me to switch to an iPhone and my roommate mocks me everytime I whip it out (the phone people get your minds out the gutter.) A lady the other day said to me "Dude, how old is your phone?" She was born before cell phones were invented!

So am I being stubborn? Why don't I just upgrade to a new phone? The reason is because I don't have to but it is getting tougher everyday. I saw three guys with flip phones in the past month and they were probably old enough to be my dad. In an age when babies are handed smart phones out of the birth canal it does seem weird that I don't get with the program.

Do you think I'm being stupid for not joining the cool kids or do you agree with me that I could do what I want? I actually have to explain to people why I still carry that phone around. Feels like I just stole something and just got put on the witness stand.

Sidenote: For those wondering, yes, that is my phone in the pic above and it get's the job done. But then again women don't flock to me, so maybe I should get rid of the vagina repellent.

Song Of The Week- Afrojack ft Chris Brown- "As Your Friend"

You ever had a song that the second you heard it, it just clicked. Well Afrojack's new song featuring Chris Brown- "As Your Friend" is that song. I have been playing it nonstop since I heard it but of course it might be over played some months from now but let's enjoy it until then.

FML Of The Day

"Today I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator." FML

99% of the time its better to leave the fridge on.