FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend called me a lazy pig. To prove her wrong, I decided to go lift some weights. A few reps in, my arm cracked and my first reaction was to squeal like a pig." FML

I guess she was right.

Underground Wednesday

Kirko Bangz is a young rapper from the Houston area. The 21-year-old is making a name for himself in the industry and don't be shocked if you hear more of his music on the radio anytime soon. So give a listen to his song Drank In My Cup and see if you don't like it.

BNB 44 Solution To Hair Loss

BNB 43 Should Women Approach Men?

FML Of The Day

"Today, my four-year old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times." FML

Ouch!!!!!

Men And Their Pick-up Attempts

In my lifetime I have seen some questionable pick-up attempts by guys that come in all shapes and sizes. Some might make you scratch your head, some make you laugh and others make you cry because you notice there is no hope for humanity.

Whistling:
When has this ever worked? Does she automatically hear this and think maybe he wants me to get the paper now. She is not Lassie but after she has turned you down you probably are going to call her a bitch.

Shouting Her Down:
Ay Bay Bay or Yo ma! You are not a rapper and she is not a video girl, stripper or prostitute. But then again you do let your chain hang low and smoke that purple.

Grab Her When The First Two Don't Work:
You and I know that this an easy way for a man to get his ass whipped by the cops and have her press charges. If talking to her would not walk work what makes you think impeding her progress will work any better? It won't but some only learn the hard way.

Song Of The Week

For some reason Maino's song a Million Bucks ft Swizz Beatz has just been stuck in my head for the past week. Why you ask? I really can't tell you but it's definitely not because I want to give away a million bucks. I can barely afford mint tea at the moment. So give it a listen and if you want to give money away just send it to us because at Black and Brown we need all the help we can get.

Liquid Courage

AP

We have all been there a bit anxious or nervous about a big class presentation, test or job interview that we desperately want. Some of us have different ways of dealing with these situations by taking deep breaths, listening to music or just taking whatever comes our way. Others on the other hand like the hit the sauce and that could spell disaster if you are not careful.

Let's says guys you are out and about and see this gorgeous woman at the bar giving you the googly eyes. You decide to take a couple of shots before you head over there but for some strange reason a couple turns into 20 before you make your move. As you walk over to her in your mind you just said "Hi my name is xyz, can I buy you a drink?" In reality you just threw up all over her and pulled her top down. This leads to you being kicked out by the bouncers and waking up in a dumpster the next morning.

Let's says for ladies you have to deliver a sales pitch for the biggest client your company has. This is your big break but you are not that comfortable with public speaking yet. So you go out the night before to take your mind of this stressful situation. Only problem is you stay out later then you wanted to and overslept missing the presentation. Now you are contemplating whether McDonald's is hiring.

These are just a two examples of when liquid courage can take you down the wrong path. So remember drink in moderation when a big opportunity is on the horizon or just don't drink at all.

The picture above is an example of when liquid courage goes too far.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation." FML

Must be huge or else he would not do that.

BNB 42 Chris Brown Going To Jail?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I saw a picture of my creepy uncle and me on Facebook, which he had captioned "me and my woman," and posted several lewd comments on. I guess he forgot I'm his friend on Facebook." FML

Prison?

BNB 41 Viewer Email #2 Would You Hire An Unfit Trainer?

FML Of The Day

"Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend." FML

That might be a tad too late.

BNB 40 Would You Turn Down $75,000?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I went out on a first date. He insisted we go to McDonald's and split a Happy Meal because he "didn't want to waste any money on a first date." FML

I wonder if that's anyone I know.

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31749_162-57381646-10391698/pierre-casiraghi-prince-of-monaco-hurt-in-nyc-bar-fight/

Life must be pretty good  for a prince. You get to enter all the clubs and hotspots most people can't, travel the world on the royal dime and probably date women I could only dream of. But I guess that's not enough because you had to get into a bar fight. Seriously? A bar fight is one of the last things you should be getting into and what makes this worst is that you got your ass kicked up and down the bar. Welcome to NYC! I hope you enjoyed your visit.

BNB 39 Like A Good Buddy Your Pre-nup Will Be There

Dating Is Tough, So You Have To Play To Your Strengths

AP

Let me start out by saying that most of us fall into the 99% of people out there. The 1% is comprised of Megan Fox, George Clooney, Ryan Gosling and Jessica Alba to name a few. If you fall into the latter category you have nothing to worry about but for the rest of you playing to your strengths should be your main objective.

Being single can be tough for many people out there. It's a jungle and you have to take every advantage you are given. As I was out one time a friend said "the only reason they want you is because your black." I looked at him and said so what? I will take any advantage I can get right now. Blake Griffin won the slam dunk contest because he played to his strength which is jumping over NBA defenders and cars. How did Adele win so many Grammys you say? Well because, you guessed it used her singing voice to her advantage. 

Your job is to scout out the situation and see what you can use to your advantage. If you see women on the dance floor and you got moves like Jagger then rock on. If you are a female and have amazing breasts you better be ready to show the goods. If you have your strengths play to them because if you don't someone else will.

BNB 38 The Answer In A Questionable Situation

Line Of The Day

"Pizza, coke and donuts.. Welcome back fat boy!"

Song Of The Week

This week have dancehall artist Popcaan with his hit Only Man She Want. This is a nice little tune so give it a listen and if you have a special person in your life play this for them. And if not you could still let us know what you think.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house." FML

Now he knows why people avoid her.

BNB 37 Free Pussy For All

The Doomsday Preppers

I saw the preview for this show called Doomsday Preppers. At first I just thought it was a trailer for a great movie about the end of the world. I was not far off because it's about families preparing for the end of the world by stocking up on food, going over emergency situations and testing out the weapons they will be using. Are these people a bit crazy? No because you never know when the world is about to end. That's why I started my own inventory of Wheat Thins, canned Goya beans and beverages of my choice. You laugh now but who will be laughing when I feast on beans sandwiched in between two Wheat Thins crackers? Check out The Doomsday Preppers on National Geographic Tuesdays at 9pm.

BNB 36 Really? You Could Do Alot Better!!

Line Of The Day

"At this point I will take a pole with a wig."

Maybe You Should Stop Drinking

AP

Drinking is the the pastime for many people. When done right drinking could be fun and make for a great time. But I have come to realize that drinking should come with warning labels like stop this man after x amount of drinks or somebody take his wallet away because he had enough.

I went to a party over the weekend and lets just say it was a good time. I got to see friends I had not seen in awhile and met some new people as well. Only problem is we arrived to pregame at this Bulgarian Bar to get ready for the big night. A post will be up on Friday for the Party Spot to learn more about this place. I decided it would be okay if we pregame before the pregame. At that point it seemed like a good idea.

Every place we went to I was drinking and the drinks were flowing. It was as if Prohibition was making it's way back and we had to drink until we could drink no more. At this point I realized that I never turn down a drink, ever. If someone is buying that is a definite time to drink and if other people want to drink then there is no reason to put the kibosh to the festivities. I didn't make love to the toilet that night but I was not far from foreplay either.

So now I realize that I have to stop drinking before this get's out of hand and I end up with a beer belly, wearing a stained tank top living with six cats. Nah, I'm just kidding. Well only about the part of giving up drinking because those cats are going to keep me company.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed." FML

Time to break up!!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream "BOOBS!" in public. FML

That's a great brother

BNB 35 What Would You Insure For $1 Million?

BNB 34 "I Will Take Penis For $1 Million Alex"

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating." FML

I am speechless.

BNB 33 Lintastic, Linlicious, Linbelievable

BNB 32 Jeremy Lin Haters

Line Of The Day

"Seal is 48-years old. That's old for a mammal."

The New Workout, Sort Of

http://web.orange.co.uk/article/quirkies/Eat_yourself_fitter_with_dumbbell_cutlery

 So what do you do if you want to lose weight? Maybe go to the gym and hire a personal trainer. Go to sleep earlier instead of pounding beers at the bar into the wee hours of the night. You could also eat healthier by adding vegetables and fruits to your daily diet. Thanks to the Eat Fit Cutlery set you can have small dumbbells attached to your silverware so you can eat and workout at the same time. Who really is going to use this? Not only does it cost over $100 but if things get this bad maybe you should put down the donuts and the Hershey's Cookies 'n' Cream bar and pick up the salad instead.

FML of The Day

"Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

Fucking kids.

Sexy Lady of The Week

Miranda Kerr is probably the hottest Victoria Secret supermodel right now. Not only is she extremely cute but that Australian accent is my weakness. I know the brown part of this blog has been gushing over her for the past couple of months and was excited when she was going up this week. Actually he was pretty angry it took this long. Miranda Kerr you can be my Wonder woman anytime.

Would This Move Make Him That Guy?

 A friend of mine came to me the other day with a quizzical look on his face. I said what's up and he said he was having a women issues. Dr. Phil I am not but I was at the point of no return. This is when he filled me in on his dilemma.

He said it all started with this girl who he had his eyes on for a year or so but never made a move because she had a boyfriend. Which is a problem but he had more to tell me. Supposedly this "couple" (he used air quotes so I decided to do it as well) are not really a couple. If you are as confused as I was read on.

They don't introduce themselves as a couple when out and about. She is looking for a way out but can't really find a man worthy of her company. I had a couple of thoughts flash across my mind but decided not to make them public. He wanted to know if he starts talking to her and putting on the moves does it make him that guy? Which guy you ask? The douchebag who steals another guys girl. But as wise man once said "if she starts talking to you and is looking for a way out then it's not your fault, it's her boyfriend's fault."

And then after rationalizing his decision to go for it he dropped a line that just echoed the sign of the times: "I guess it's really not that bad because they are not a couple on Facebook."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my bra burst apart in the middle of class. I then had the privilege of asking my male teacher if I could borrow his stapler to put it back together." FML

It must have been some huge breast.

Line Of The Day

"Never underestimate a fat boy."

Underground Wednesday

As I said before and will say until the day I die the MTA is reality television without the scripts and manufactured characters. The other day among the craziness there was an actual talented musician riding the subway. Even better the women sitting next to me was somewhat of a fan and has seen the act before and says she would not be shocked if this guy and his female singer became huge stars one day. At that point I thought she was like their manager or agent. Well if they do become famous celebrities I hope they remember this blog is where they got their first glimpse of the spotlight. Don't laugh it could happen.

Their CD is called Generations Mix and has five songs on it.
Their websites are  http://ghsts.weebly.com/ and http://mtagenerations.weebly.com/index.html.

You Can't Party when You're 50

AP

 After reading the title you were probably thinking "you silly fool, I will party when I'm 60 thank you very much." I understand that and don't care if you party until 100 but for the sake of this post it works. There are extreme cases when this title comes into play.

Once upon a time I had a roommate named Roger. Don't worry he will never read this and  the very few if any who read this don't know him. Roger was a studious fellow who liked to study and study and study and you get the point. His idea of a good time was singing in the shower, I kid you not. I tried to get him to get out and have a good time by asking him to go to parties, see a movie, take in a sporting event or just go try and pick up girls we had no business talking to. I even offered to pay for any expenses that came about just so he would not have to worry about it. But each and every single time his response was flat out no.

There would be mornings in which I would wake up at 7am for a 7:35am class, if I ever woke up at all. There would be Roger studying with his little lamp next to stack of books leaning over about to fall. His eyes bloodshot red as if he had been smoking weed all day but I knew that was not the case.

I'm not saying that girls should blackout from drinking and wake up covered in piss and booze and God knows what else. I'm not saying guys should have sex with so many women that doctors what to name STDs after you. No I'm saying sprinkle in some fun in between work, school and whatever it is that you do that does not excite you. Because in extreme cases you don't want to end up like Roger trying to party when you're 50.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep." FML

She really must not be good.

Song Of The Week

We have received emails about us not featuring enough R&B or anything that's not dance or rap on this blog. So to placate all of you we have just the song for you. It's Chrisette Michelle ft Rick Ross- So In Love. It should put most of you in a good mood for Valentine's Day.

Line Of The Day

"Pornstars don't bleed"

Hmmmmm....

The Three Different Types of Guys On Valentine's Day

AP

 Valentine's Day is today and depending on who you speak to they hate it, don't mind it, love it or really love it. Since I just touched base on all the women who fall into that category we will delve into the men and the three types on this day.

The Guy Who Is In  A Relationship:
This guy will do whatever it takes to make sure his little lady enjoys this day. Even if he forgets he will try to make it up to her because he knows forgetting will be a week's worth of headaches and arguments. He won't go as far as Apu on The Simpsons, stretching the day out into a week but he will put some effort into it. This year might be a romantic getaway and next year might be a box of chocolates and a card from Walgreens.

The Guy Who Despises The Day:
This man thinks that women get too much love and affection on this day. To him it's just another manufactured holiday to bilk men of all their money and dignity. The real reason he is angry is that the only women who ever loved him was his mom and that's not sitting to well with him. Also the only real love he has experienced is hand love and that can only go so far.

The Guy Who Embraces the Day:
This man is the type to throw a Valentine's Day party for all the singles. It is not as if he really likes the day but he knows there will be single women in attendance and what better way to mingle then to throw a party to get them all together. He realized not many people like to be alone on the day so why not make the best of situations. This is what we call a game changer.

So if you're fall into one of these categories just take solace in the fact that you are not alone.

One Hit Wonders

The other day I was singing a little tune in my head and it went a little something like this "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world..." and so on and so forth. This led me to think what happened to all those good tunes that we use to sing at the top of our lungs, the songs that were great at first but fizzled off years if not months later? Good thing for you I decided to revive these hits so sit back and enjoy. These are not in any order so you be the judge.

The Darkness: I Believe In A Thing Called Love

Daniel Powter: Bad Day

J-Kwon: Tipsy

Bill Ray Cyrus: Achy Breaky Heart

Aqua: Barbie Girl

 

After listening to these songs I can see why they could not stand the test of time. My taste in music really needs some work.

Line of The Day

"We need to capitalize on girls with daddy issues."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He swore it wouldn't be 2 minutes long this time. He was right. It was 3 minutes." FML

LMAO

Can't Leave The Streets

This has to be one of the funniest commercials out right now. I am a big fan of Starburst candy and this just shows they have sense of humor too. The guy just oozes don't mess with me and you don't want to meet me in a dark alley or a bright sunny day as you stroll through the park. On the other hand I have as much street cred as Jaime Kennedy's character from "Malibu's Most Wanted" if not less.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I got into an argument with my wife over how she spends too much time with her gay best friend. Now she says that if I want to ever get intimate with her again, I'll have to let her watch as I give him a striptease." FML

That's harsh.

Line Of The Day

"Lmfao, lick my fucking ass out... random thoughts don't judge me."

This line makes it tough not to judge you buddy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left." FML

That's a real FML. I still want to know how his tooth became dislodged?

So He's Not Hired?

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/tenacious-summer-analyst-applicant-got-laughed-at-by-everyone-else-on-wall-street.html

So this eager beaver as we here at Black and Brown like to call him decided that his cover letter would cover everything from his classes, workout routine and his love of Monty Python films. He did not put the Monty Python thing on it but it might have been better then his workout routine. You are applying for a job on Wall Street not LA Fitness, Planet Fitness or whatever type of fitness gym there is out there. Maybe you should have just given this to someone first who would review it and correct it for you. Now your cover letter has gone viral and people laugh at you. At least now you are famous so a job is bound to drop in  your lap.

Line Of The Day

"Yo why the fuck are the Dre headphones for $500? WTF is in them??

Sexy Lady Of The Week

I was just perusing the internet and came across this little lady and all I could say was Hello! Her name is Bailee Moore and not only is she good looking but raps as well. For all of you who don't know talent and looks is a win win combination in my book. So here she is in the video for Talk That Talk ft Erik Paul.

Since she's from Cleveland I wonder if she knows Kid Cudi?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse." FML

Busted!!

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://newsone.com/nation/crime/ruthlogan/judge-orders-joseph-bray-wife-dat/

So what do most men do when their girlfriend's or wife's birthdays or some important anniversary comes along? Well after being reminded they rush out and try to make it up because that's the right thing to do. Well for some idiots that is just not something they look forward to doing. So if it's an annoyance to remember her birthday why are you a married asshole? Find someone else to love your sorry self and listen to you reminiscence about your Letterman jacket from high school. Oh wait you can't, there is a reason for that. You're pretty lucky the judge didn't throw you in jail and have someone there love you and trust me they would love you long time.

Line of The Day

"Bradying is just disrespectful... I don't like the guy but this shit is not cool."

Underground Wednesday

If anybody watches Justified on FX then you definitely have heard of this artist and song. It's a bit of folk, alternative and pop music all rolled into one. The name of the singer is Lissie and the song is titled Little Lovin'. She also does a very good cover of Kid Cudi's Pursuit Of Happiness as well. Check it out and let us know what you think.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with." FML

What a bitch! He doesn't deserve to get laid!

Super Bowl Prank

When I first saw this video I thought what assholes these people must be. How could you turn off the television during the Madonna halftime show? I really didn't think that but other people definitely did. If someone decided to do this around me as the Giants marched down the field for a touchdown I might be facing charges for battery and assault. Matter of fact I would be facing charges for murder. But the more you think about it these reactions were hilarious and expected. You are one crazy man Jimmy.

Why does that guy still have a Christmas tree up in February?

Big Pun

Twelve years ago today we lost the great Big Pun. It's just another example of a great talent not getting to realize his true potential. So here is some of our favorite Big Pun songs and we never say this but, BX Stand Up! Big Pun and Fat Joe- Twins, Big Pun ft Joe- Still Not A Player and Big Pun ft Tony Sunshine 100%.

Line Of The Day

"That is like a toe queef."

Too Much Masturbating

The University of Massachusetts has decided to put up a notice about the excessive amount of masturbating taking place in the showers. Supposedly it has gotten so bad that the drainage pipes need to be cleaned out and massive amounts of money is needed which could raise tuition. I didn't know masturbation could lead to pipes being backed up but the silver lining in all this is at least students are taking showers and keeping clean.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it." FML

If this female is over 18 I wish I was there.

Song Of The Week

I remember when I first heard this song way back when and it still brings back good memories. I heard it again on a road trip during the summer and it just made my day. The song this week is In This Diary by the Ataris. We hope you enjoy it.

Line Of The Day

"Heidi Klum might be available."

Sexy Lady Of The Week

A friend of mine sent me this link and boy was it clutch. We have German model Micaela Schaefer and the picture says it all.

Hollywood Tuna

FML Of The Day

"Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions." They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin." FML

I guess this is the all elusive female ejaculation???? Apparently a pill can accomplish what most men can't . I wonder if she would take the pill to fake it in the future.

Line Of The Day

"She could stay home all day and still have 20 guys ready to smash. I spend days trying to sleep with women I would not be caught dead with, sometimes begging for it and they don't even give me a second look. So to answer your question yes women have it easy."

All I asked him was what type(s) of women is he into?

Underground Wednesday- KiDD Vega

Last week we went to see this rap performance by this artist named KiDD Vega. I will admit I was impressed becasue not only is this kid 17, no pun intended but he also was playing in front of a decent sized crowd. I know if that was me I would have pissed my pants but that's just me. At 17 I can't tell you what I was doing and if I did tell you it would not be this. Check out some of his tracks here at soundcloud http://soundcloud.com/kidd-vega/tracks?page=2#play

Here he is performing Who Wants War

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was left at the alter. For the second time. By the same man." FML

I guess some people don't learn from their mistakes.

Do You Bar Mitzvah?

I have never been to a Bar Mitzvah before but this rap video made it look cool. Don't get me wrong I will definitely stand out and questions will fill the air like, who is that kid and who invited Wesley Snipes? and all that jazz but this looks like a public invite. Don't make music videos about parties and not expect unwanted guests to crash. So who out there is with me and make it to this party on April 27? I can't stop because it already is on my calendar.