FML Of The Day

"Today, I had a job interview. All was going well until the interviewer asked me, "So why should we hire you?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Because, I'm awesome!" Don't think I'll be getting that one." FML

That's not so bad, there is still a possibility.

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Christine Bullock

This week we feature the jaw dropping Christine Bullock. She is a model, does yoga and Pilates and knows how to cook. I know you didn't even read anything that was typed here so, Happy July 4th everyone.

Men's Health

FML Of The Day

"Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand." FML

That must suck but I know some guys she could call that can help her out.

Line Of The Day

"Damn Asians keep eating and don't gain an ounce of fat, wtf bro!"

Two things, some might consider that a tad racist and I guess sumo wrestlers did not make the cut.

Song Of The Week- Kriss Kross- "Jump"

This week brown man wanted to pay respects to Chris "Mac Daddy" Kelly of the group Kriss Kross. Toxicology reports say that he died of an apparent drug overdose. So here is the tune that made us all want to wear our clothes backwards and jump at one point in our lives.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster." FML

Lol, at least he is trying to have the talk.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of." FML

What a fucking filthy bitch!!!!

Lazy Sunday Post

Ok, so this isn't a missed connection, but you have to admit it is freaking amazing. This is how you sell a motorcycle in Philly.

 For Sale: 2006 Ninja 650R Track Bike and Spares - $3500 (SW Philly)

Asking $3500. Comes with the Pit Bull rear stand and a spare set of bodywork in the same colors.Bill of Sale / Track Only -- Unless you care to go through the
trouble of getting a title I'm getting married in a month, and need the cash to pay for the honeymoon. So you'll have the honor of paying for my lady and myself to get the fuck out of Philly for a time, and if sex tapes are made you might get first dibs ;) The alternative is possibly naming the child conceived after you -- if your name doesn't suck.

I bought this machine approximately two months before I lost my job, while I was living the easy life of single, rent free parental housing. Also, approximately one month after I met the most awful woman ever to walk the face of the Earth. Goodbye disposable income, hello instant regret. Buried in the garage we go!

Took a few months, but I got a new start in a new city. The new job would give me disposable income, if I were still single, and if rent didn't suck ass. Needless to say, I have had no time and no cash to play with my wondrous "new" toy. Continue this for two years. Finally, hello amazing one night stand, goodbye psychotic ex! That one-night stand became a hell of a lot more than either of us ever imagined, and now it's going to be a lifetime. Now this isn't like some guys, who are forced out of their pride and joy. . . I'm keeping my street bike, and you'll pry the bars from my cold, dead hands.

On to the bike. . .
• 2006 Kawasaki Ninja 650R
• 3550 miles
• Safety wired to CCS/WERA rulebook
• Two sets of Cheetah race bodywork
• Wearing the same track take-offs it wore the day I bought it
• Sitting on / comes with a Pitbull rear stand
• I've been inside the cases to check things out, and it's spotless
• No Title / No registration / No Insurance -- I bought it for a track bike
• Penske Rear Shock set for ~190 lb rider
• Preload adjustors, Traxxion Dynamics front springs, Racetech cartridge emulators
• Billet Aluminum Aftermarket levers
• Billet Aluminum Woodcraft rearsets
• Arrow aftermarket exhaust (silencer not installed, but included)
• Hyper Naked aftermarket bars
• Power CommanderJust installed a new battery - the original went flat after sitting in the garage for almost three years. Cranks right up and runs beautifully.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was bored so I began to try to convince my boyfriend that Albert Einstein was actually African-American, and that he painted himself white so he would be accepted as a scientist. Due to his competitive nature, he replied, "I already knew that babe." FML

Fool

Song Of The Week- Anna Kendrick- Cups

The first time I heard this song I really did not know what to make of it but I was a fan. So here is Anna Kendrick's "Cups (When I'm Gone)," from the movie "Pitch Perfect." I didn't know she sang as well.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom." FML

Do people even make an effort anymore? Every store you walk into sells condoms. If you are embarrassed go to a store with self-checkout or buy it online, wtf.

Line Of The Day

"Some women have no class, letting their muffin top hangout and showing off their ass crack. We want to see a nice but and great rack, just like women want to see abs, chiseled chest and bulging biceps. Nobody wants to see shamu."

Can't add much to this one.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

I didn't know Brazilian actresses went over to India to star in Bollywood movies but thanks to Brown man I now know about, Nicole Amy Madell. Don't worry I already thanked him for the rest of us.


Fashion Fad

 

FML Of The Day

"Today, I drove out to a party. I arrived just in time to see some guy blowing his load on my sister in the driveway." FML

Australia... wow! He is going to be scarred for life. Why would they not do it in the car or the bushes? Some people have no class.

Line Of The Day

"Good morning, it is hot and humid outside just how I like it!"

Good morning was just not good enough.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I asked my cute co-worker out to dinner. He immediately responded, "I'm sorry; you're just really not my type." Offended, I asked why not, only for him to reply with, "Well, you're a girl." FML

Probably going to be her new best friend

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Abigail Ratchford

Akamai



This week we have Abigail Ratchford and as brown man so eloquently put it, her breasts should be considered illegal.

 

FML OF The Day

"Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way." FML

Holy crap, there is a therapist out there that is going to make a lot of money.

Song Of The Week- J. Cole ft Kendrick Lamar- "Forbidden Fruit"

If you have not listened to anything J. Cole has released this is your time to jump on that bandwagon. His latest album, "Born Sinner" which will be released next Tuesday June 18, sounds like it is going make waves across hip-hop. Listen to his song Forbidden Fruit featuring another young rapper, Kendrick Lamar.

Lazy Sunday Post: Sex Crazed Philadelphians

guy in sexy tan pants at Plymouth Meeting Mall today - it was terrific - m4m - 49 (PHILA PA)
YOU CAN REPLY IF YOU LIKE, EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT HIM. IF YOU'VE CONTACTED ME BEFORE, THIS DOESN'T COUNT YOU OUT!

You were only about 5'3", and you were wearing a short sleeved grey (or maybe black) shirt. You were wearing tan pants that were a little loose fitting - great butt! I couldn't see the outline of your crack or your underwear, which enticed me even more as to what was under there. I saw you outdoors for a few minutes, then indoors for a few minutes, then you walked far ahead of me and I lost track of you. I'd like to pour soda, palmolive liquid, glue, etc. down your pants and all over you. If this sounds interesting, or if you want to do this to me, let me know. Tell me whether you're him when you reply to this message. Does anybody ever get a reply from the person they're talking about on here? Probably not.

So a few things here:

1) That is a very interesting combination of liquids to pour down someone's pants
2) What would that feel like by the way?
3) I like how he's open to having other people reply so he can pour things down their pants, or have them pour crazy things down his pants

Lazy Sunday Post- Missed Connections

Probably shouldn't post this, but whatever. - w4m - 23 (Philly)

I am filled with self-loathing about this entire situation, and I should probably stop myself before this turns into a complete self-indulgent whinefest, but I can't help myself. I am also drunk.That being said, I have a terrible admission to make: personality, creed, looks, personal history, intelligence, aspirations...all become negligible after 6'5". Why am I attracted to such tall men? Is it their freakish builds, their somewhat out-of-proportion facial features (there's nothing delicate about the chin or nose of a man that tall), their lack of interesting things to say? Shorter men are objectively less boring. Shorter men tend to brood a little more. Taller men, much taller men, are far too jolly for comfort. This is because they have enough sense to realize that a brooding taller man is intimidating and undesirable. After all, they are far too tall for those luxuries of the will such as brooding. They need to bring down their size with affability. You were both taller than 6'5", and my whorish self couldn't decide which one I liked more. I guess I liked you both equally, even though you were radically different...probably because you were both jolly fucking Sasquatches. You were both utterly unremarkable, and I'm certain you were both very "successful" because men of your height are generally successful. This is because people expect things out of such tall men. I'm aware of the absurdity of this. Very tall men have very little to offer the world. Oh, I bantered and batted my eyes, I wore a short skirt, I commented and simpered grotesquely at both of you. I was transfixed, too self-aware, and too weak to escape my fate. And then I got mean. I don't know why this happens to me, but I become very mean to men I like, probably as some sort of sick litmus test for people who can put up with my bullshit. I was too mean, and for that, I am sorry. I am working on it. It's a defense mechanism because I'm filled with a whole load of ressentiment and angst surrounding my pathetic dating life.All I really want is a very tall man who can put up with my acid comments and have some spunk and treat me halfway decently. I don't really deserve that, but I guess it's always okay to demand. I don't make a very good girlfriend...I'll most likely end up being the Beatrice to your Benedick. Men don't like this. I don't like this. I also don't like men over 6'5", but I'm always in love with them. This is not a cry for help, Internet.

Lazy Sunday Post- Missed Connections

Stole your lighter - m4w - 23 (Spike Hill)

What you look like- I have no idea- what I do know is while partaking in some recreational activities during a funky and mesmorizing show I borrowed your lighter. And although at this point I'm already a dick for taking it, but if you were there you knew people get wrapped up. So I still have it and am ready to return it or just hang out and smoke some smeed about it heyyyy- if this lighter never finds its original owner then thank you I will use it in only absurdly great situations

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Aishwarya Rai

Before college I had no idea who Aishwarya Rai was. Halfway through my first day of college I could not forget who she was if I tried. I'm a little upset it took me so long to find out about her but the wait was well worth it. Don't believe me judge for yourselves.

Beautiful Pics

Line Of The Day

"Becoming a millionaire is much easier than trying to figure out what's going on in the mind of a women."

There is some shred of truth in that.

How Much Money Would It Take For You To Have Sex With Someone Of The Same-Sex?

Paranormal Knowledge

While hanging out with friends recently we were talking and having a good time as we usually do, then things took a turn for the interesting, the very interesting. Someone posed the question, "How much money would it take for you to sleep with someone of the same-sex?" How this question came about I have no idea but it brought up some entertaining responses.

One guy said he would do it for a million dollars and the guy had to have micropenis. Another guy said it would take five million and he didn't care if people knew about it because he would be "rich bitch." One of the females in the group said every guy that said he would not have sex with another guy for a million dollars is lying. It's funny how she never mentioned if she would carpet dive into another female but the time has passed.

I on the other hand could not do it for no type of financial gain. You might be saying, "don't be coy we knew you would be the first to get piped out." I disagree with you and here is why. The second I take the dick I have to make a lifestyle choice that I'm just not prepared to make. Second, the person giving you the money to have sex with them is probably going to set up their own guidelines. It might be Lexington Steele or Peter North ready to tear that ass up. They might want to tape in the middle of Times Square with cameras everywhere and women watching who may not be into a guy who had a guy in him. I'm sorry but I would like my butt as tight as the day I left my mom's birth canal.

So how much money would it take for you to sleep with someone for the same-sex?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had yet another class with my psychotic, conservative uber-religious teacher. The "well-known statistic" of today? Over 90% of people who have ever watched porn end up having a divorce due to psychological damage from said porn." FML

I'm going to be in the 10% category on that one.

Song Of The Week- Zedd ft. Foxes- Clarity

This song right here, this song right here, is pretty damn good if you ask me. It just makes me want to get out on the dance floor and just go ham. Check out Zedd, with the song "Clarity."

This Chick is Just Straight Up Killing It!

I have usually seen people try and do this with batons or those flowing stringy stuff. But this is just unreal! She is actually throwing around a ball like its... I'm almost at a lost for words. The passion, the technique and the precision. Even the French judge gave her a 10.

Lazy Monday Post- Missed Connections

Like an idiot I forgot to post Missed Connections at it's regular scheduled time yesterday. So to make up for it here it is:

I smelled you at work - w4w - 18 (Nbpt)

So........ I massaged you um professionally recently and you smelled like baked swordfish with lemon. Suffice it to say I wanted it so bad I baked a haddock and polished it off. I never want to see you again but just wanted you to know, You smell like fish

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was coming home from a much-needed vacation. The time I spent on the plane consisted of kids screaming and throwing tantrums. One of them managed to give me a black eye with a shoe. Their mom pretended to be asleep so I'd have to deal with her kids for her." FML

Oh hell fucking no! I'd poor water on the mother and wake her up.

Line Of The Day

"Walking around the apartment in boxers should be mandatory!"

You really do feel free.

Is It Offensive?

Wordpress

I walk into a supermarket the other day to buy groceries. When I get to the register the cashier says "would you like to donate to the Children's Cancer Fund?" I said no and that just started off a storm. The cashier gave me the mean mug as she handed me back my change and I could feel the eyes of the people behind me burning a hole through me.

Now I ask you should I be offended that they were so mean to me? Yeah that's right they were mean to me. Oh you thought I was going to say I was being offensive when I said no? Yeah that would be too easy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend confessed that she had drunkenly slept with another guy last night. Since she seemed genuinely upset, and had confessed right away, I decided to forgive her the slip-up. She then angrily broke up with me, because "if I really loved her, I would've been more angry." FML

Haha, you just can't win with women. They are like a different species.

Line Of The Day

"Get a smartphone, just do it. Girls like a man with a smartphone because she won't pose for you with a flip phone."

I did not know I majored in photography.

Is this boy band 4Count for real?

I saw this video on YouTube the other day and could not wrap my mind around it. They are called 4Count and they have a song called Snapbacks, which, what do you know has a music video. They are singing, they have dancers in the video and there is a hot woman in it as well... but it just does not add up.

I showed this to my roommate and he said and I quote, "I just lost five minutes of my life that I will never, ever get back. Thanks!" So you decide if this video is for real or they just made a parody and the joke is on them.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree." FML

Wow!!! I don't think she knows what it means to be a mother.

Line Of The Day

"I have seen a lot of women with short/pixie hair these days and I wonder whom we should credit with this, Halle Berry or Rihanna?"

This is a very good question.

Public Service Announcement

                                                                       

We were told a few days or so about a story and that we had to make a public service announcement to men out there. It seems like men are flat out doing more stupid things than usual to get laid nowadays. And that's saying something.

1) Don't rent an apartment or buy a house with a women. This could only lead to issues and problems down the line. You may say "well I'm not sleeping with her and I don't plan to." Yeah come back to me in a few months and tell me how you're penis and her vagina are making out. And if she is not boning you she will be brining guys over who will. Imagine as you are trying to go to sleep at night you hear from the other room "God damn this is the best dick I have ever had!" Then you have to move out and find a new place, which will cause your wallet and self-esteem to shrink.

2) If you don't plan on making her your girlfriend or marrying her please don't move in with her. You can still find a guy to be your roommate and bring her over to lay the pipe too. Trust me it will save you money and having to drink away your sorrows at the end of the day.

3) Don't move into a one-bedroom with her. Imagine when you bring a girl home and she brings a guy home. How do you decide who get's the bed? Do you flip a coin or play two out of three rock-paper-scissors? Imagine how awkward that is going to be. Guys will bang a woman anywhere but you bring her back for the bed not the couch. Am I wrong?

Unfortunately these are all true stories and hopefully this will knock some common sense into men out there.

Song Of The - Kid Cudi ft. Too Short- Girls

Kid Cudi is back and he is just brining that hot fire with him. He has a song right now called "Girls" featuring Too Short off of his upcoming album "Indicud." He might have left Kanye's G.O.O.D. Music label but you can't deny this man has talent. And since the summer is right around the corner you know there will definitely be some hot women out there just wearing less and less. Damn, I love the summer!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume." FML

This has to be fake, right?

FML Of The Day

"Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting." FML

Talk about a bad mother! Why am I not surprised its from Florida.

Line Of The Day

"My neighbors still think President Obama is Muslim."

You are probably thinking "oh this must be from down south," but no, it's Jersey.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the joker for the same convention." FML

He should have went with it and turned it into a real comic book. BOOM, POW, ZING

Lazy Sunday Post- Missed Connections

Great reasons not to litter: 1) it makes you look like an asshole and 2) a large, angry man might call you out on it.

Sorry I made you piss your pants - m4w - 36 (Marlboro, MA)

To the woman in front of me at Dunkie's this morning.

Sorry I freaked out on you, but when I see a disgusting animal such as yourself throw your old iced coffee cup out the window it enrages me. I'm sorry that I didn't realize you were a small framed woman before I picked up your cup and knocked on your window asking if you had dropped something. I'm sorry that besides needing a car wash after I dumped your old ice coffee on your windshield, that you also seemed that you were going to need a new pair of pants because it looked like you pissed yourself when such a large man was screaming at you through your closed window. Don't worry though, even though you sped off without getting your new coffee, the woman at the window thanked me for giving a shit that dirt bags like you think you can trash our planet without anyone calling you on it.

FYI, I wouldn't go back to that Dunkie's again, they are watching for you and I can only hope they spit in your coffee from now on.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted." FML

Haha! You don't when you're sleeping but I like her idea.

FML Of The Day

"Today, after my shift at the hospital ended, I happened to look into a full-length mirror. My new scrubs turned out to be see-through. Instead of my undies, everyone got a good look at my cellulite-ridden ass. Fan-fucking-tastic day to wear a thong." FML

I'm sure guys were still competing to hit that.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself." FML

Forget commando, time for diapers.

Line Of The Day

"If someone don't look good in shades, odds are they are fugly."

I guess we are going to see a lot of those with the nice weather.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother." FML

That's rough. I wonder if they are going to hell for saying that?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone." FML

What a dumb-ass! I give her all the credit in the world.

Lazy Sunday Post- Missed Connections

Something to think about next time you're in the park:

Red Sweatshirt and Black Converse in Washington Square Park - m4w - 22 (Greenwich Village)
I saw you on a bench in Washington Square Park today, Saturday afternoon, and I know what you were doing with your hands in your lap. It was a thrill to sit near you, even two benches away. Write me with the name of the College on your hoodie; maybe you'd like someone to help turn the pages for you next time, but all I want to know is what was on your Kindle that got you so turned on.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized that I'm so lonely I can no longer whack off without bursting into tears and crying like a little bitch." FML

I call that my Friday and Saturday nights.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had my first game ever as an ice hockey goalie. Our team didn't have a goalie helmet, so they gave me a regular one which didn't cover me completely. I was worried about it and told my coach, but he said I would be fine. I then took a puck to the throat that sent me to the hospital." FML

I smell a lawsuit brewing.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

I bet you guys didn't see this one coming, huh? Tina Fey has grown on me over the years and I'm not mad at that. She is funny and witty plus she is a sneaky kind of hot. Nothing about her physically pops out at you at first but after watching her you become smitten with her and have no idea why.

Search Weight

Sidenote: I'm a major fan of the glasses and can't wait for her to take them off.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother." FML

Do people not have locks on their doors?

What's Wrong With My Flip Phone?

What's wrong with my flip phone? That's the question I ask you. Everyone who sees it have this amazed look on their face as if they didn't think it existed. My friend always tries to get me to switch to an iPhone and my roommate mocks me everytime I whip it out (the phone people get your minds out the gutter.) A lady the other day said to me "Dude, how old is your phone?" She was born before cell phones were invented!

So am I being stubborn? Why don't I just upgrade to a new phone? The reason is because I don't have to but it is getting tougher everyday. I saw three guys with flip phones in the past month and they were probably old enough to be my dad. In an age when babies are handed smart phones out of the birth canal it does seem weird that I don't get with the program.

Do you think I'm being stupid for not joining the cool kids or do you agree with me that I could do what I want? I actually have to explain to people why I still carry that phone around. Feels like I just stole something and just got put on the witness stand.

Sidenote: For those wondering, yes, that is my phone in the pic above and it get's the job done. But then again women don't flock to me, so maybe I should get rid of the vagina repellent.

Song Of The Week- Afrojack ft Chris Brown- "As Your Friend"

You ever had a song that the second you heard it, it just clicked. Well Afrojack's new song featuring Chris Brown- "As Your Friend" is that song. I have been playing it nonstop since I heard it but of course it might be over played some months from now but let's enjoy it until then.

FML Of The Day

"Today I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator." FML

99% of the time its better to leave the fridge on.

Lazy Sunday Post - Missed Connections

Happy Lazy Easter Sunday everyone!  Here's another Philly post that really embodies the spirit of the City of Brotherly love:

looking 4 the man who saved my aunt - w4m - 30 (fishtown)

me and my aunt were walking out of the rite-aid on oxford when all that shit went down. i still cant believe you had not only that baseball bat but the courage to use it. getting all that gum out of my aunts hair was tough because shes old but in the end we managed to get it out. i wish u wouldve stayed and talked to the cops with us, they were sooo funny!! they really cheered us up and just so happened to have some pizza for us to eat. i would like to have pizza with you sometime because u took such good care of me and my aunt. if u remember correctly, my mouth is stapled shut but i always find a way to eat what i want.....................;)

email me with "rite-aid hero 4 real" as the subject line and describe what u were wearing (and wat you werent!) so that i know its you. have a happy presidents (sp?) day and i hope to hear form you 

FML Of The Day

"Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater." FML

You have to be kidding me with this because nobody is that dumb!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that he feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together." FML

I could definitely see his point on this. But how the heck did he get so good at it?!

Line Of The Day

"I saw a fat black lady waiting on line to get into shake shack... she does not need shake shack, she needs a shake weight."

That's a very descriptive analysis of the situation.

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Emma Glover

Hello Emma Glover! Is it just me or do her eyes scream "I would even give a clownish blogger one shot with me?" Okay that's just my imagination running wild but I can dream. Emma says she likes to be in charge in the bedroom. Oh don't worry, I can take orders.

welovepokergirls

FML Of The Day

"Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious." FML

This an epic FML.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that the landscaper my wife hired on my behalf wasn't kidding when he said he was going to trim my wife's bush." FML

Wow, the audacity!

Song Of The Week- J. Cole- Power Trip

This week we have "Power Trip" by J. Cole of his upcoming album "Born Sinner." This tune is pretty tough and Cole is underrated but with more hits like this he won't be for much longer.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead and the rest of the class  had disappeared." FML

Where did those kids go?

Missed Connections Critic: Lazy Sunday Post

It’s the Missed Connections Critic here, teaming up with my good friends at Black and Brown.  I have my own blog here (hyperlink: http://missedyounot.com/), but as you can see, it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything.  I usually rate Missed Connections posts, but on Sundays I just like to pick ones that can speak for themselves.  Here’s a Philadelphia post to give you an idea:

Some Pig - w4m - 29 (Lionville)

I was driving by and couldn't help but notice your sexy eyes. They glistened like diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. You were in a pig suit advertising $7.99 haircuts at the Super Cuts. I was sitting at the light right next to you. You were focused on the other side of the road, but when you turned it was like an 80s movie. Slow motion, Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen began to play, and then you made eye contact with those introspective pig eyes. You waved directly at me and then pointed to your $7.99 haircut sign. In that moment I really felt we had made a connection.

I'd love to get to know you and, if you could, bring that pig suit and a side of bacon. 

This has ruined Dirty Dancing for me forever.  How so?  Well, imagine this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rTzX_iM91c

Now think of that, except everyone is now wearing the pig mask from Saw:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=vNx3g9xe517xXM&tbnid=yKK_NzttH5NSaM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.michael-myers.net%2FphpBB%2Fviewtopic.php%3Ff%3D5%26t%3D90788&ei=FdFHUZfiJ-2u0AHOqICQBw&psig=AFQjCNE4fhXx58OYZ7UK4Ms6B1cDRxuTmg&ust=1363747469993809

I rest my case.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago." FML

This crap is hard to believe

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost eveything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and syarted scratching at her ass-crack." FML

That's an enjoyable image.

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Tulsi Gabbard

Wikipedia

I'm not a big fan of politicians and I'm going out on a limb and satb that most of you are not either.  But Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard from Hawaii made me rethink that stance, just for her that is. Michelle Obama, not doing it fore and Sarah Palin is old news. Tulsi, you literally took my breath away.

FML Of The Day

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FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis." FML

Head during a horror movie? He deserved it.

Line Of The Day

"Its like saying stretch limos are boring. You know you can't turn, you know you can't park it wherever you like. But you know you can have a feast inside. Set up a full bar if need be. And a buffet of course."

Limos are cool.

Cheese or A BlowJob, You Decide?

zcache

My roommate posed this question to me the other day and I thought what a stupid question. Now to most of you this is a no brainer but as I thought about it, it just made me think of all the products that contain cheese and all of it's awesome properties.

Put it like this I know this kid that is lactose intolerant and still eats chocolate cake, drinks milk and eats pizza. I mean when he does he makes sure to notify the authorities and all the bathrooms in the area because he is about to explode afterwards. It just goes to show the power of cheese.

No guy wants a bad blowjob. I mean if you get one you try to forget it by drinking yourself to sleep or crying because she or he (we don't judge here) bit your battering ram or pretended like they had never seen anythng like it before.

I still have not made my decision but I'm leaning closer and closer to cheese because women can get you angry but a great sandwich will never disappoint.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

Haha, its always the gay guy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees." It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects." FML

Someone find him some hlep!!!

Line Of The Day

"It's getting tough to stay positive about the upcoming season."

That is a Yankees' fan understanding how Mets' fans feel every season.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

Not saying that I would have turned down sex but now she knows how he feels when turned down.

Song Of The Week- Swedish House Mafia

This past weekend Swedish House Mafia played concerts in the tri-state area on what will be the final leg of their farewell tour. From wha has been reported the shows were pretty much soldout at MSG and the Barclays Center. So we decided to make them this week's artist of the week. Enjoy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing." FML

He should have called the cops, then that would be funny.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole." FML

That's some next level nastiness and not in a good way.

Sexy Lady Of The Week- Alison Brie

There is just something about Alison Brie that just can't be put into words. I want her on my screen at all times and she could be babbling and make no sense but it does not matter. Just look at the picture below if you need further proof.

Hawt Celebs



 

And she is so nice we just had to do it twice.

Line Of The Day

"When it comes to women's boobs it like the reverse since we were in grade school. Bakc then all we wanted were A's but now every guy hopes for C's or D's."

Just let the truth of those words wash over you.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough." FML

You just can't shave that area with a trimmer

Song Of The Week- "Mad World" Gary Jules

This week brown man requested a song. Literally, he emailed the song to blknbr@gmail for it to be played. Why did he do that I have no idea but this is his blog as well so he could pretty much do want he wants. So if you want to request songs yourself just follow his lead. Here is the cover of "Mad World" by Gary Jules.

Line of The Day

"Rihanna's pour it up song makes me wanna go to Sapphire."

For those who don't know Sapphire is a strip club out in Vegas.

Is It Offensive?

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We have a new segment for the blog called "Is It Offensive?" We will try to bring some outrageous situatins which happen to us or people in general and want you to decide if it is offensive or not. Should be easy enough. If you have any submissions send it to us at blknbr@gmail.com.

I was heading to a restaurant with friends of mine last week and I checkedt the menu before we got there and said something like "this place looks good." One of my friends response to this was "Reminds you of your time in the south as a slave, right."

First of all everyone likes chicken, not just black people but everyone. Those who don't like chicken or vegans, vegetarians and people who don't like awesomeness. Second of all, I was not born during slavery so how would I know what they ate.

You hear the line so should I take offense to this or just hang my head in shame at how bad of a joke it was?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch." FML

I feel for her

Sexy Lady Of The Week

I'm in love with Jeane Coakley! There I said it and finally glad it is out there. Everytime I see her on SNY I literally get all tingly on inside. Even though she has to deal with covering the NY Jets I would comfort her in every way I  can becuase let's be serious its the Jets. Just look at her and tell me she is not marriage material, pretty, well-spoken and shows a brave face even when the chips are down (Jets again). Now if she were only able to read this post.

Yep!

Jeane Coakley.com

 

And double yep!

Jeane Coakley.com

FML Of The Day

"Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home." FML

She sounds like an awesome gal.

Line Of The Day

"Happy Valentine's Day. Who is the luckly lady? Who is the lucky girl? Who is the lucky boy? Who is the lucky bucket of chicken?"

This is what a female friend texted me last week on Valentine's Day. Glad to see she has finished her sensitivity training.

Say Hello To The Newest Member Of Black And Brown

Welcome the new member of the Black and Brown blog, Aly or as we like to call her at the moment the whitr filling between black and brown. Yeah it's corny but it was funny at the time. Hopefully she will contribute each week and give her female perspective on things.

The difference between the way men and women talk about sex.

There’s a big difference between the way men and women talk about sex. I don’t really know why men think they are so vulgar with what they talk about. They discuss their first strip club experiences and talk about the way their women look- mainly bragging or exaggerating to one- up their friends. Women talk about sex for a whole other reason- to talk about sexual issues with their men or discuss their opinions in hopes that they are normal.

I work at a strip club where believe it or not, talking about sex with other girls is actually considered a little taboo. Most girls are afraid that if they talk about their sexuality too much, they might be considered sluts among the other girls because they will seem that they have it too often or they may even be sleeping with customers, which is frowned upon in my club.

Despite the possible tabooness of talking about sex in a strip club, here are some of the dancers I have overheard/ been a part of in the locker room:

Dancer 1 who is a mix of European and Puerto Rican: There’s nothing like a big black dick. I just can’t do the white men. I mean I’ve seen a pink dick before, and I couldn’t suck him. It was just too ugly. I like that big juicy cock when it’s dark, almost purple. It feels so good.

Dancer 2 who is little and white: My boyfriend needs to grow some balls and just do me in the ass.

Dancer 3- I’ve actually heard this from multiple dancers: There’s nothing like a little bit of ecstasy, some alcohol and sex. It just feels so nice.

Dancer 4 who is African American: I used to be a dominatrix. There was one time a rabbi came in to look at all the girls. I didn’t think he would pick me. I thought he’d pick a little white girl or something. Anyway, he picks me and wants me to spank him, whip him, choke him and call him a dirty rabbi that needs to be crucified.

If you think that it’s just strippers who talk this way, guess again. I have had conversations with my mother about when she and my father were still together. I don’t want to give too many details away, but apparently, my dad was a little odd.

I’ve had conversations about others’ sex lives with their current significant other or exes. An older, very beautiful French lady I had recently been living with used to have a husband who would force her to swing with him and hurt her during sex.

Here are the conversations I’ve had with men about sex:

Friend 1 who loves talking about sex with anyone else who doesn’t mind: I love doing my girlfriend from behind. She makes this squealing noise. It just makes me super excited.

Friend 2: This new girl I started seeing is super hot. She’s got this great ass. I just love it.

My dad about his fiancé: No honey, sex is for marriage. And then after marriage- sex is sacred and only for the bedroom.

My step mom- Um… well, it happens sometimes at least. My ex- husband was much better.

If you think it’s just because these guys are my friends, here are what my customers say to me. I’ll only choose the more interesting ones.

Customer 1: I go to the nude beaches a lot which is where all the swingers hang out. One time, a guy begged me to do his wife while he watched and she was all for it. It was pretty amazing.

Customer 2: Asked me what kind of sex I like. I answer rough. He doesn’t believe me/ can’t add anything to the conversation so it ends.

Customer 3: Do you like it in the ass? I answer oh yes. He says me too. End of talk about anal.

I talk really nasty to get a VIP dance. Sorry readers, use your imagination. Customer oh yeah? That’s some good images in my head there. 8 out of 10 times it works.

Basically, women are more likely to do the dirty details about their sex lives than men. I don’t really know why men have such a difficult time discussing details perhaps it is because they don’t think about sex in detail. Women do, just as they think about everything else.

We Have A Question For All The Ladies Out There

It hgas been brought to our attention that many women are not too fond of the golddigger moniker bestowed upon them. Women say they don't date a man because he has money, fame or can take her places but that he has confidence and is just an amazing person. Well here are some examples that put this to the test.

Exhibit A- Bradley Cooper

Bradley Cooper is up for an Oscar this weekend and has been in some pretty decent movies in the past couple of years from the "Hangovers", "Limitless" and now "Silver Linings Playbook." He has money now, speaks french and seems like a cool guy to hang with. Women fawn over him and the examples just listed show why. He was in movies prior to those and the only things tha changed about him was not his looks, not his Georgetown education or the languages he speaks but the size of his wallet.

Exhibit B- Jesse Heiman

If you don't know who Jesse Heiman is let's refresh your memory,

This guy who has been in numerous movies and television shows but never had a major role until the commercial above where he locks lips with Bar Refaeli. We don't judge here at BNB but I'm certain 9 times out of 10 no women would pick this guy to kiss or let alone do anything else with. But after this commercial he says his agent can't stop fielding calls from executives who want to put him in movies or other commercials. Also he says women have been askng him out on dates and he has had to TURN SOME OF THEM DOWN because he can't keep up with the demand.


Like 50 Cent said, "A man becomes as attractive as an attractive woman when he becomes successful and is publicly noted.” If you disagree let us know because this is just mind boggling.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks." FML

If it were Lil Wayne he would have no worries.

Song Of The Week - Baauer- Harlem Shake

Here is the full "Harlem Shake" song by Baauer. For the past week or so I have been obsessed with these Harlem Shake viral videos. When I think I have seen them all its as if thirty more pop up. This song is addictive and catchy as hell. Who knows maybe we here at BNB might make our own video but considering we have no rhythm we might pass on that.

Line Of The Day

"Arod is like the Lindsay Lohan of the sports world..."

Well the way things have been going for Lohan lately I considered that a step up. Don't you agree?

My Dream Is To Marry One Of These Creatures

I was talking to my buddy the other day and he drops the line above "My dream is to marry one of these creatures." Now you may wonder who were we talking about, so to help you here she is, Jess Green

Jess Green

And just in case you needed another picture:

Jess Green

So he says to me if he ever had an opportunity to marry a woman it would be someone like her. He said of course there would have to be proof like getting her pregnant because no one would ever believe him. This would probably be the view of most men out there except...

But then I said something that I didn't think I would ever say, "I don't want to marry her for her looks because looks fade after time." I heard cars screeching to a halt outside, crying babies sitting still and men everywhere looking to take away my "man card."

My buddy just decided to give me a hug like he was Dr. Phil and I had made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.I will never live this down because none of my friends want to look me in the eyes anymore when they talk to me. It's like I'm Medusa and carrying the plague or something.

Lesson here is whenever a hot girl is mentioned in a conversation just agree because if you don't you become that guy and trust me I wish I wasn't that guy.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

He has to raise his kids the right way

FML Of The Day

"Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky." My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a  private investigator, and I apparently need a new career." FML

Bad career choice for sure.

Katy Perry Should Have Been Nominated For That Dress Alone

Did I watch the Grammy's Award Show? Nope. Do I know most of the people that were nominated? Not really. But was I intrigued when I saw pictures of Katy Perry in that dress she had on? HELL YES!!

You know she had it going on when Elln forgets Portia De Rossi is on her arm. Ellen was like "who am I married to and can I just motorboat those titties?" I just loved every minute of this. It looks like someone found a loophole around the Grammy's dress code

And everybody hates on John Mayer because he is a jerk and does not treat women right, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. This man gets to lie next to Perry and if that makes him a jerk then I want that to be my career parth.

I wanted to question that jacket he was wearing but I quickly realized he is on fire right now and all I do is write this blog.

Line Of The Day

"All women have been jizzed on, so I never understood why they pretend they're too good to get jizzed on again."

All I did was ask him how was work.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

I was watching "Chicago Fire" last night and saw this hot piece of you know what walk into my life and almost take my heart. Okay maybe I went overboard there but she definitely is smokin'. Her name is Monica Raymund with a dash of Dominican sprinkled in.

                                                                       AP

FML Of The Day

"Today, I found out that there's something my new wife hates more than spiders. Black people." FML

I don't know how I feel about this one.

We're Back... We'll Sort Of

We know , we know it's been too long since our last post. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on how you look at it our fans, all one of them wanted us to start writing again. Thanks mom! So here we go again.