FML Of The Day

"Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a random guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said "Nice ass but such an ugly face," then walked away. I've never been told I'm ugly before." FML

That's just wrong.

Song Of The Week

Today we have the Brooklyn duo of Matt and Kim and their song "Lessons Learned." The video for this is interesting because they decided to get naked in the middle of Times Square. Erykah Badu said she got inspired by this video to do her own verion on her hit song "Window Seat." So sit back and check out this fun and energetic band.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I went on a 7-hour plane flight. For 3 hours I had a bloody nose. When it finally stopped, I sneezed. It started to bleed again." FML

Lmao, I can see it now.

Memorial Day

AP

It's Memorial Day and around this time we start thinking about summer plans, going to the beach and barbecues. But also let us remember the soldiers who gave their lives and continue to fight so we can enjoy the freedoms we have today. You don't have to go out and do anything elaborate but just acknowledge the men and women who fight for this country.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my doctor gave me a physical. After all was done, he told me that I have to lose weight before I can safely start working out. Uh what?" FML

Hint, hint he's saying get that lipo first.

FML Of The Day

"Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong." FML

Lol, of course Americans would do that.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal." FML

Haha

Line Of The Day

"I like the holiday themed porn, it is a nice touch."

I didn't know there was holiday themed porn.

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://www.komonews.com/news/local/Woman-in-hot-pink-duct-tape-attacks-injures-3-cops-152214775.html

I wish I could have seen this in person because it just seemed like it was quite a spectacle. This was just another normal day in Seattle. Lady running around naked attacking police officers in her path. Then as I read this further it dawns on me that she was able to injure these cops. Whatever happened to knocking her to the ground and placing cuffs on her? She definitely had to be on steriods or something. Some of you might disagree but in this case police brutality might have been warranted.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

Today we have Julianne Hough of "Dancing With The Stars" fame. Let me paint a picture for you, you are a having a bad day and nothing is going right. The next person you see is going to get a face full of fists if they even look at you wrong. But then you see Hough smiling at you and the day seems brighter like the sun just emerged from behind the dark clouds. Don't get me wrong you are probably still looking to kill someone but maybe you put that off for now and talk to her instead.

USA Today

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

I wonder how long he waited before telling her?

Line Of The Day

"Are you gonna party and get wasted with allergies?"

"Nope, I feel too sick."

"You don't party with them white boys then."

I still don't understand what the last line had to do with being sick.

Underground Music Wednesday

Today we have English singer and pianist Jasmine van den Boegaerde, better known as Birdy. The 16-year-old who released her ep late last year does a wonderful cover of Phoenix's hit song "1901." So here is the video for sed song.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

Why are niggas in a rush to put a ring on it? Beyonce was just making a song, she didn't mean it literally.

FML Of The Day

"Today, after two months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You are hot. Are you single?" FML

This is not an FML at all... It's an insult to the website. I'm outraged.

Song Of The Week

This week we have a monster collaboration with the likes of Kanye West, Big Sean Chief Keef, Pusha T and Jadakiss. The song "I Don't Like" is a remix of the song originally by Chicago's own Chief Keef. It uses that drum beat that most hip-hop/rap songs have now but that does not take away from the fire brought on this track. Give it a listen and let's see if you don't like.

Line Of The Day

"Niggas are willing to marry anything... I guess I'm the superficial asshole!"

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttering that I'm dangerously close to becoming single." FML

I'm not a good loser but dump her? No, he should bang her harder!!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I tried to beat my dad to the car. I jumped over the steel cables in the parking structure and hit my head on a  metal pipe, then bounced off the wires, and onto my back on the pavement. Good thing we were already at the hospital to visit my sick mother." FML

well deserved

FML Of The Day

"Today, my parents invited my Muslim boyfriend over for dinner for the first time. My mother made sure that everything including the salad had pork in it." FML

That's messed up.

Line Of The Day

"I like to open my mouth wide open... and put her breasts in it."

I still don't know why he paused while he said that.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

While perusing the internet I noticed there was a new Playboy Playmate of the year, so of course I had to view the video of her for business purposes. We hope to bring the best to you here at the Black and Brown Blog. The winner is Jaclyn Swedberg, who happens to be Miss April 2011 as well.  So here is the lovely Jaclyn talking about her experience on Playboy Tv.

FML Of The Day

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room." FML

Great family.

Underground Wednesday

The British are coming, the British are coming. Well not quite but there have been some artists who have crossed the pond to have huge success here in the US. Hoping to do the same is Ed Sheeran, who will be releasing his album "+" in the US/Canada in June. Here is his song "The A Team" which is one of the tracks off the album.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was having dinner with my college friends to celebrate the end of our first year. I said really great things about them as individuals. The only thing they had to say to me was, "Thanks for being the token black friend." FML

That's not cool at all.

Song Of The Week

This week's song comes from Queens' own Nas and his new song "Daughters." The song has a nice flow to it and a pretty good beat as well. Not to mention that it has a good message as only Nas can deliver. I bet every dad that listens to this song can definitely relate to it.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend started laughing during sex because my boobs are slightly different. He then broke up with me after I pointed out that his nuts aren't exactly even either." FML

Such a guy thing to do.

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://news.yahoo.com/dentist-ex-girlfriend-hell-turns-hoax-213209078.html

So last week I made fun of a guy for going to a dentist who was also his ex-girlfriend. Now it appears that that was all a hoax and it never happened. I guess the FUS this week is on me for getting caught up in the hype and pretty much throwing this guy under the bus. If he was real he definitely deserved to have all his teeth pulled out. Sorry fake dude for making fun of you in a fake story and applauding your fake girlfriend. Oh well what can you do?

This Is The Only Way Mark Sanchez And Tim Tebow Can Make This Work

Getty

You might say, "Duh, the only way this could work is if they win football games." Well of course that's one way but let us think out of the box for a second. These men both play in the NFL, play in New York (sorry Jersey), and are both in their twenties. So when all that is added up you get the perfect wingmen.

I don't know much, well actauly I know very little but what I do know is that these two men are in the prime of their sex-drive years. I know women that start breathing harder and panting like dogs whenever Sanchez's face is plastered on the televsion screen. I don't know if I should call 911 or get out the room and let her go to work. And yes I am well aware that Tebow is a virgin and is not looking to give it up until he is married but that just makes him an even better wingman.

Women will want to be the first ones to take it away and that lucky lady will have bragging rights no person could take away. They don't even gave to go to bars, clubs or places of that nature. If Sanchez could suck it up they can go to churches, restauarants or wherever it is Tebow goes in his spare time.

Well this ever happen? Probably not but if the Jets are smart they will look into this because it's Super Bowl or bust this year. Or was that last year or maybe the year before. You get the point.

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend of two years logged into my Facebook account and broke up with himself. He is now receiving loads of sympathy, while I'm being accused of lying about it to save my reputation." FML

Fucked up but smart.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light." FML

This is new to me.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up." FML

Insecure much?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided." FML

I hope no guy is doing this.

Sexy Lady Of The Week

She is a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition cover model. She is allegedly dating Mark Sanchez of the New York Jets. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. She likes dancing especially in public and we are glad to see that. If you still have no idea who we are talking about it's Kate Upton. I'm shocked it took this long for her to actually make this list.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question." FML

I bet she wants a piece of that beautiful chocolate man.

Is That Person A Man Or Woman?

Trial X

I was walking around just enjoying this beautiful May day when I this person grabs my attention. This sed person was walking about 10-15 feet in front of me. Let me paint a picture so you could let your imagintaion run wild: This person was wearing a long black leather trench coat, a black brimmed hat, with boots and  pulling one of those rolling luggage bags. At this point you would say this person is a) An undertaker, b) Amish or c) In their own little world.

But that's not what made this person stand out from the rest. People kept walking by and looking back either confused or saying "wtf" or "really?" So while trying not to laugh out loud I know I had to see what was this person wearing that I could not see. I was going to follow this person but not chase them but sensing my dilema this person turned around and bam! This person had weird looking facial hair but the facial features of a woman and long hair to boot.

So to get to the point I have no idea if she or he is a she or a he. I don't have a picture to show you but going of the description just given what do you think? The only thing you win is the piece of mind that you helped a brother out.

Underground Wednesday

A friend of mine sent me a some artists to look up and this week one of them gets featured on the blog. We have Melody Gardot and her song "Deep Within The Corners Of My Mind," which is a very jazzy, soulful type of song. So sit back, relax and give it a listen because she has a very soothing voice.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response; "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

Ouch.

FUS= Fucked Up Story

So as I was reading this story I was thinking it is true what they say "crack is wack." This lady is a prime candidate for crackheads anonymous and would probably be the poster child for why drugs are not cool. But then I read further and realized this woman not only is a stripper but also sold hot dogs things hit the fan. First off, where, no forget that, why is she stripping? If she applies for a job at a strip club you turn her away because you have to think of your patrons. Just think of the customer service complaints. What is it with these moms tanning too much or stripping past their prime? You read it hear first those kids are going to need a therapist when they grow up, if they haven't gone to one already.

Line Of The Day

Why is Bieber with Lil Wayne, 50 Cent and Floyd Matweather? This shit is just not acceptable... fuck our lives. (FOL)

FML Of The Day

"Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in." FML

If she is still with him after that I don't see why anything else should be off limits.

Song Of The Week

Steve Aoki and Afrojack are really big in House music at the moment but put them together and your mind just get's blown. In the video to their song "No Beef" featuring Miss Palmer you just want to hang out with them and have a good time. I still wonder what is in that drink they keep passing around?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in  my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family." FML

Great family situation.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test." FML

Someone is gonna get sued.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I was at the gym trying to impress a hot girl, so I put an extra 30 pounds on the bar, I lowered, pushed... and pooped." FML

That is exactly why I never try to impress anyone.

Line Of The Day

"I went in but I don't eat anything. I just go in and out."

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2136265/Dentist-Anna-Mackowiak-pulled-ALL-boyfriend-Marek-Olszewski-s-teeth-dumped-her.html?ICO=most_read_module&fb_source=message

You might read this story and say "wow that guy got screwed over." You mighyt even think that I will agree with your assessment of this crazy story but that's not going to happen. Why would this guy go back to a dentist that used to be his girlfriend that he dumped for another woman? At that point I'm looking for another dentist even if it's in another city. Oh yeah and after she pulled out all your teeth your current girl dumped you, I could have figured that out.

The Sun

Sexy Lady Of The Week

The hype from "The Hunger Games" has died down somewhat but a month ago you could not move without hearing about it. Well that brought to our attention lead actress Jennifer Lawrence and boy are we happy about that. She is athletic, good looking and seems to have a sense of humor. You might ask how do we know that? Well check out this clip from "Chelsea Lately" and yes I watch the show so don't judge me.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I saw my boyfriend spitting the mouthwash back into the bottle, because, "this stuff is really expensive." FML

Wow!

FUS= Fucked Up Story

WABC

This is why people should have to take a test or obtain a license to be a parent. This woman above decided not only was she going to tan until she was literally bronze in the face but she has been accused of letting her five-year-old daughter enter a tanning booth as well. I hope this is not the case because turning her kid into a Jersey Shore wannabe at the ripe old age of five is not a good look. Tell me that picture above does not scream mother of the year?


http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/02/11500434-new-jersey-tanning-mom-denies-charges-of-child-endangerment?ocid=ansmsnbc11

Line Of The Day

"Just because you want it."

This line was in response to passing a test but of course I took it to mean something totally different.

Underground Wednesday

Colin Munroe has been on the music scene for sometime now but has not yet garnered the mass media attention for a person who has worked with Wale, Drake, and Bun B to name a few. He also did a cover of Kanye West's hit "Flashing Lights" so check out his song "Last Cause" ft. 88 Keys

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked into a public restroom to find that they had set up a free health clinic for the homeless; by that I mean that I found one bum inspecting and cleaning the infected, bloody genitals of another bum." FML

Someone get a fucking doctor

FUS= Fucked Up Story

http://www.news.com.au/weird-true-freaky/man-left-crying-in-the-street-after-being-trapped-by-german-nymphomaniac/story-e6frflri-1226343287504

This is not your usual wacky story but it is one nonetheless. So this German lady left a man crying in the streets after she as he put it tried to "kill me with sex." Most guys would be happy with a woman who loves to have sex and won't stop until she gets enough but be careful what you wish for. This is not her first rodeo as she did this to man she picked up last month. She could go all night but these guys needed a gatordae break and some rest for their manhood. There is so much thrusting and tugging a man can take.

The Chive

Line Of The Day

"I like that fat baby."

Song Of The Week

I have been listening to a lot of Cinematic Sunrise lately. It is the band that was fronted by Craig Owens, who was also in the bands Chiodos and Isles and Glaciers as well. You could pretty much say that he is a talented individual. So today we have "The Wordless" from his debut EP with Cinematic Sunrise.

FML Of The Day

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

What a bitch!!! I would have bachanded her.