FML Of The Day

"Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants." FML

That could be awkward.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life." FML

Blackmail?

FML Of The Day

"Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating." FML

Disaster!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean." FML

Wow, new levels of nasty! Not in a good way.

Line Of The Day

"Gangman style sounds like Open Condom style lol... Sorry I ruined the song for u lol..."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my boyfriend picked me up from school. It was an unusually sweet gesture from him, and I was flattered. That is, until he told  me to sit my ass in the back, so his dog could ride in front with him." FML

He could have put both bitches shotgun... he fucked up.

FML Of The Day

"Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom." FML

Someone needs to move.

Line Of The Day

"I'm always open to sex tapes."

FML Of The Day

"Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roomate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase." FML

Oh joy!!

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized how much it sucks to have the same name as my dad when I overheard my mom moan his name in bed." FML

Bad parents! They shouldn't be so loud or make sure the kids are out of the house.

FML Of The Day

"Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up." FML

Lmao... wouldn't wake her up? Really? That shit can wake a person up out of a coma!

Line Of The Day

"Saw a good looking guy the other day.. I'm not gay but he had blue eyes."

FML Of The Day

"Today, my girlfriend and I reconciled after having a huge fight last week. We went out drinking, and things got pretty intense, so we went back to my place. We made it to the bedroom, but somewhere between her taking off my shirt and me taking off her pants, we both passed out." FML

This is a lesson to all of you, drink in moderation if you plan on getting laid or you might end up like these two.

Song Of The Week

At fist I clikced on the Oregon Ducks mascot doing the parody to this song and after watching I was like not bad but I got to see the original. After watching the original I just can't get it out of my head. I wonder where have I been to not have heard this song already? If you are in the same boat and have not heard it yet, here it is. You're welcome.

Line Of The Day

"I saw a girl looking like a guy and a guy looking like a girl on the train... Truth be told the girl with no hair is better than the fat man with long hair."


That is usually the case unless the woman with short hair has a pot belly and no teeth then it just might be a toss up.

FML Of The Day

"Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on." FML

That is a chill cop but I'm not sure I believe this. And where exactly is the FML in this?

FML Of The Day

"Today, the girl I went on an awkward date with two weeks ago showed up at university and started smashing my car with a bat. She then broke down in tears and alternated between declaring her love, and cussing me out for "cheating" on her." FML

Bitches be crazy (new bbc?)